Quip of the Day

"They have to give you your money's worth." -- Grandma's wisecrack about why they cut my already bald father's hair so much shorter than he wanted.

Quote of the Day

"All I know is that they'll have their own reserved seat." -- A neighbor's smart remark about wheel chair access for an upcoming event.

Malapropism of the Day

"OK. OK. Hold your forces." - Angry older lady in the hospital who was irritated by the nurses trying to get her to sit up so she could take her meds. (6/17/10)

(Sarcastic) Quote of the Day

"Home sweet home." -- Grandma's snarky reaction as we returned from visiting a specialist and pulled back into the hospital parking lot for her 6th day of staying there under observation. (6/15/10)

"Fail" of the Day

"It doesn't work when you're too short." -- An 11 year-old trying to give me a "there-there" pat of sympathy on the head and could barely reach my shoulder. (6/11/10)

(Unchecked) Fact of the Day

"That's why they banned smoking by the beach in Australia." -- A stranger (from Australia) after noticing how many cigarette butts we were picking up during our beach clean-up. (6/11/10)

Explanation of the Day

"But I haven't worn a dress since I was 7!" -- One of the 11 year old Junior Ambassador's response to being forced to wear a dress for her presentation. (6/11/10)

Question of the Day

"Oh no. Is that going to be your Quote of the Day?" -- A friend's realization that what was said could be potentially published. (3/28/10)

(Inappropriate?) Quote of the Day

"Just let me live long enough to see my daughter who's coming to visit me next Thursday." -- Grandma's jokey way to address the serious Advance Directives (personal instructions for end-of-life situations) asked to her before entering the hospital as a precautionary measure. (6/9/10)

Contradiction of the Day

"If I could do half the things your grandma does when I'm 93...G**D*** hallelujah!" -- My neighbor's ode to my grandmother's health.

Interrogation of the Day

"Are you married or single?" -- One in a series of questions asked to me by a friend's father at lunch. (6/7/10)

Offer of the Day

"Mister, do you want a puppy?" -- A student's generous offer at the end of class as he was about to exit the room. (3/24/10)

Quote of the Day

"You cut it up? I just throw it right back over the hedge." -- Grandma's response when I told her that I cut up the large palm frond that fell from our neighbor's tree into our yard. (5/31/10)

Quote of the Day

 "They make those in male?" -- A friend's surprised response to my ability to multi-task. (3/16/10)

Quote of the Day

"You should feel threatened." -- A coworker's wisecrack after I told him I didn't know whether I should be complimented or insulted that he trusts me enough to give me extra work.

Number of the Day

"441" -- An older coworker's first paycheck he ever received. He followed that with, "At the time I thought money was falling out of the skies!"

Condition of the Day

"I have a condition too; it's called Lazy." -- Co-worker's comment upon overhearing someone say that they couldn't participate in the Great Aloha Run because of her "condition".