Quote of the Day (madsad)

Me [to a student who was visibly upset]: “Are you OK?”
Student: “Yeah. I’m a little sad.”
Me: “Oh, I thought you were upset about something.”
Student: “Oh, that too. I guess I’m mad-sad.”
Me: “But you’re OK though?”
Student: “Yeah, I’ll be alright. What do you do if you’re mad-sad?”
Me [shrugs]: “I don’t know. Eat ice cream, maybe?” (3/28/19)

Quote of the Day (sixty thousand)

Student [after furiously researching something on her computer]: “OK. Now all I need is sixty thousand dollars.”
Me [looking at what she had been researching]: “A gold Rolex?! Really?” (3/25/19)
Two days later.
Student: “Do you know any places that are hiring?”
Me: “No. Why? I thought you already have a job.”
Student: “MISTER! How else am I going to get my sixty thousand dollars?”
Edit (3/27/19)

Quote of the Day (STD)

Student 1 talks to Student 2 about a conversation she overheard in the bathroom.
Student 1: “So, the girl asked, ‘Does it burn when you pee?’”
Student 2: “Ew.”
Student 1: “Yeah, so I’m pretty sure she has herpes.”
Student 2: “How do you know?”
Student 1: “Or maybe she has gonorrhea.”
Student 2: “What is that?”
Student 1: “I’m not sure, but it sounds like diarrhea.”
Student 2: “Hang on, I’m looking it up.”
Student 1: “Mister, is gonorrhea like diarrhea but worse?” (3/27/19)

Quote of the Day (full moon)

Student 1 makes a weird noise for the third time while doing her work.
Student 2 [to Student 1]: “Is there a full moon today?” (3/25/19)

Quote of the Day (shout out)

Student 1: “Mister, are you going to come to our graduation?”
Me [hesitating]: “Mmm...”
Student 2 [who claims to be a valedictorian]: “Come, Mister! If you come, I’ll give you a shout out.”
Student 1 [in a formal sounding voice]: “If Mr. Hwang is here, I’d like him to please stand.”
Me: “If you do that, I’m definitely not coming.”
Student 2: “C’mon Mister. It’ll be great. I promise.”
Me: “Fine. I’ll just pay Mr. Lau $20 to stand up when you call my name.” (3/15/19)

Quote of the Day (sprain)

“Look, Mister! They wouldn’t give me the elevator key, but I came all the way up here to turn in my work.” - Comment at the end of the school day from a high school student hobbling on crutches with a newly sprained knee. (3/13/19)

Quote of the Day (joke)

The following dialogue was told to me by a student.
Student: “Ho, [teacher’s name], you like jokes?”
Teacher [student claims that the teacher meant to say something else, but it came out as]: “You’re a joke.” (3/13/19)

Quote of the Day (break)

Student: "Mister, I'm going to be gone on Friday."
Me: "Um, OK. I've already posted what we'll be doing that day."
Student: "I know."
Me: "Why are you going to be gone, anyway?"
Student: "I just wanted to give you a break." (3/12/19)

Quote of the Day (fund raiser)

Me: “How was your fund-raiser?”
Student 1: “It wasn’t too bad.”
Student 2: “Did you tell him the funny part?”
Me: “The funny part?”
Student 2: “So you know we were selling sandwiches, right?”
Me: “Yes.”
Student 2: “Well, [name of the person in charge] asked one of us to make rice.”
Me: “Rice?”
Student 1: “Yeah, so we were selling sandwiches...WITH RICE!” (3/11/19)

Quote of the Day (right)

Student 1: “Hey Student 2, I think I’m wrong. Can you show me how you did number 16?”
Student 2 [looks over Student 1’s work]: “Oh, I see. You forgot to square it before dividing by 3.”
Student 1: “Oh, so I was right.”
Student 2 [with a confused look on her face]: “What!? No. I just showed you what you did wrong.”
Student 1: “Yeah, so I was right about it being wrong.” (3/8/19)

Quote of the Day (chick-fil-a)

Student 1: “Mister, which is better? McDonald’s or Chick-fil-A?”
Me: “Chick-fil-A.”
Student 1: “Student 2, which is better? McDonald’s or Chick-fil-A?”
Student 2: “I don’t know. I’ve never had Chick-fil-A before.”
Student 1: “Ok, you’re irrelevant. Student 3! Which is better...” (3/7/19)

Quote of the Day (fetus)

“Look at him! He looks like a fetus!” - Comment from a high school senior who saw a picture of her friend in an old yearbook from their 7th grade year. (3/5/19)

Quote of the Day (gay)

Student: “Mister, maybe it’s none of my business, but can I ask you a question if you promise not to get offended?”
Me: “Sure, I guess.”
Student: “Do you think [teacher’s name] is gay?”
Me: “You’re right. That is one of your business.” (3/5/19)

Quote of the Day (cheezits)

Student [before the weekend]: “Mister, I got you a box of cheezits, but I forgot to bring it to school.”
Student [after the weekend]: “Mister, my mom ate your box of cheezits.” (3/4/19)

Quote of the Day (spoon)

Student: “Mister, do you have a spoon?”
Me [digging around in my drawer]: “I have a fork. Will that do?”
Student [reaching for the fork and seeing my box of plastic cutlery I bought for just such occasions]: “Wow Mister, you really do have everything.” (3/1/19)