Quote of the Day (dog)

 Student [in a video conference stands up and moves to a different room with her laptop]: “Sorry. My dog was just being annoying.”

Me: “I wish I could bring my dog to work.”

Student’s dog bursts into her room and jumps into her lap.

Student: “Yeah. I guess there is one good thing about this learning from home stuff.” (9/17/20)

Quote of the Day (video)

 Background: instead of having a live open house, we were required to make videos to introduce ourselves and explain our expectations to our students’ parents.

“Mister, I watched your video with my mom. She asked, ‘Is that really his voice!?’”, said a student who was (not supposed to be) wandering around on campus. She continued, “My mom felt so bad. She asked if we should buy you something.” (If I had known that, I would’ve talked even quieter in my video). (9/16/20)

Quote of the Day (grade check)

Student 1 [checking a notification on her phone]: “Whoa! I just got a text saying that all school sports seasons are cancelled.”
Student 2 [to Student 3 who was furiously trying to finish his assignments on the last day of the quarter]: “Student 3, you can stop working now.”
Student 3: “Huh? Why?”
Student 2: “You don’t have to worry about being on grade check anymore. Your season just got cancelled.” (3/13/20)

Quote of the Day (payment)

Student: “Mister, if I give you money, will you do something for me?”
Me: “Probably not.”
Student: “Why not?”
Me: “I’m not in a position to just take money from students.”

Student [several minutes later]: “Mister, so have you thought about my offer?”
Me: “You haven’t even told me what you would ask me to do, so the answer is no.”
Student: “Just hear me out...If I gave you $5 would you grow your hair out?” (3/12/20)

Quote of the Day (senior ditch day)

Student [a senior]: “I’m completely lost. I don’t know what’s going on.”
Me: “How come you didn’t come to class on Friday [the so-called Senior Ditch Day]?”
Student shrugs.
Me [shrugging back]: “Next time come to class or come get help after school.” (3/11/20)

Quote of the Day (outside)

"Ew. I don't know what I would do if I saw a teacher outside of school." - Comment from a high school junior after her friend said he felt embarrassed to see me at Taco Bell. Her friend failed to mention that the reason he was so embarrassed was because he saw me at Taco Bell just minutes after he made me stay late after school at the end of the semester to finish all his late work. (3/10/20)

Quote of the Day (crayola)

Student 1 [to Student 2]: “Ew! You’re going to get crayola.”
Me: “???”
Student 2 [recognizing my confusion]: “I accidentally called Corona crayola, and now Student 2 is making fun of me.” (3/9/20)

Quote of the Day (hate)

Students 1, 2, and 3 prattle on about how much they dislike a teacher.
Me: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why is everyone complaining about [teacher name] all of a sudden?”
Student 1: “Mister, I already told you what [teacher name] said about me, right?”
Me: “Yes, I remember.”
Student 2 starts complaining about the teacher’s looks.
Me: “OK, so you hate this teacher because of the way they look. That’s such a valid reason.”
Student 3: “You know what? I don’t really know why I hate [teacher name]. I guess it’s because everyone else doesn’t like [teacher name].”
Me: “So you just dislike them because everyone else does?”
Student 3: “You’re right. I guess I really don’t hate [teacher name].” (3/6/20)

Quote of the Day (facebook)

Student 1: “I can’t believe it. I just made a facebook.”
Student 2: “Why?”
Student 1: “It’s for my [sports team]. They all communicate with each other on there.”
Student 2: “Why facebook?”
Student 1: “I don’t know. I don’t like it...It makes me feel so old.” (3/3/20)

Quote of the Day (portrait)

Student 1 [giggling as she drew something on the board]: “Don’t look Mister.”
Student 1 [after completing a crude drawing of a monster labeled with her friend, Student 2’s name]: “Look Mister, I drew a self-portrait of Student 2!”
Student 2 [looks up from her work]: “WOW! Why did you draw such a thing? Wait! Why is my name on it?”
Me [to Student 1]: “You do realize that ‘self-portrait’ means you just drew yourself, right?”
Student 2 [laughing at Student 1]: “So is that supposed to be you?”
Student 1 [pointing to her drawing again]: “Look Mister, I drew a...PORTRAIT of Student 2.” (3/4/20)

Quote of the Day (phone)

Background: This student came into my classroom after school on Friday. He was flustered because he had misplaced his phone, and thought he left it in my classroom. He became more agitated when I told him I hadn’t seen it nor had anyone turned one in. Rather than walk to his other classes, I told him to use my phone to call the other teachers to try and catch them before they left for the weekend. After several calls with negative results, he gave up, thanked me for my help and left. When I saw him again on Monday...

Me: “Oh, hey. Did you find your phone?”
Student: “Huh? Oh...yeah. Thanks for your help.”
Me: “Where was it? Was it in [teacher’s room] like you suspected?”
Student: “Oh...no.”
Me [prompting him to elaborate]
Student [sheepishly]: “It was at the bottom of my bag.” (3/2/20)

Quote of the Day (1%)

Student: “Mister, I want to get my weight under 100 pounds.”
Me: “Why? Is this a prom thing so you can fit in a dress?”
Student: “No. If I weigh 99 pounds then eat a pound of nachos, then I’ll be 1% nachos.” (3/2/20)

Quote of the Day (heels)

Student [entering the room in obvious pain]: "Whew. That wasn't easy."
Me: "Are you OK?"
Student: "Yeah. I've just been wearing heels the last few days and my calves really hurt." (2/28/20)

Quote of the Day (generational)

Student 1: “Hey Student 2, what’d you get on your last assignment?”
Student 2: “I don’t know. [Teacher name] is so bad at grading.”
Student 1: “Yeah. I don’t think they grade anything on time.”
Student 2: “No. They grade it; they just don’t upload it so we can see it online. It must be a generational thing.” (2/27/20)

Quote of the Day (husky)

Student 1: “Mister, if you were a dog, I think you’d be a husky.”
Me: “Why?”
Student 2: “I think he’s trying to tell you that you’re fat.”
Student 1: “No I’m not! Husky’s aren’t fat. They’re furry.”
Me: “So I’m furry now?”
Student 1: “I think I should just go now.” (2/26/20)

Quote of the Day (world)

“Goodbye world!” - Comment from a high school student as she powered down her phone prior to taking the ACT. (2/25/20)

Quote of the Day (AP Calculus)

“Is it bad if I don’t have this memorized yet?” - Question (with an obvious answer) from an AP Calculus student after I just reviewed a bunch of facts that we’ve been using since October. (2/21/20)

Quote of the Day (onomatopoeia)

Me: "At least they're not trimming the trees today."
Student: "Yeah, that was horrible. What did you end up doing in class?"
Me: "Luckily, students were able to work on their stuff independently without me teaching anything. What about you?"
Student: "It was so noisy since the wood chipper was right next to our room. Our teacher just taught us about onomatopoeia so every time there was a noise she was like, 'OK! Write that sound down!'" (2/21/20)

Quote of the Day (rice)

Student: “I was so confused when we first learned about slope.”
Me: “Why?”
Student: “I could never figure out why my teacher was always talking about ‘rice’ over run.” (2/20/20)

Quote of the Day (intimidating)

“No problem, but it was really intimidating.” - Comment from a high school student after I thanked her for helping her peers. What started as the student helping one person soon evolved into her helping 6 more classmates who all wanted help solving the same problem. (2/19/20)

Quote of the Day (seniors)

“You know, when I was a seventh grader, I used to think all the seniors were big and scary.” - Comment from a high school junior during lunch. She continued, “And now that I’m older, I think they’re just...annoying.” (2/18/20)

Quote of the Day (rose)

Student: “Mister, as I was getting out of the car for school, my mom handed me a rose this morning.”
Me: “Aw. That was nice of her.”
Student: “No. It wasn’t for me.”
Me: “Oh, I thought she was giving you a Valentine’s gift.”
Student: “No. She said, ‘Here, take this rose. This is for you to give to any girl that you like.’”
Me: “So who did you give the rose to?”
Student: “NOBODY! I don’t want to tell a girl that I like her on Valentine’s Day.” (2/14/20)

Quote of the Day (test)

Student 1: “Mister, [Student 3] said the test was easy.”
Student 2: “Yeah, he said it didn’t feel like a test.”
Me: “So what did he say it felt like?”
Student 2: “He said it felt more like a worksheet.” (2/13/20)

Quote of the Day (prom)

[Male] student 1: “Why do I need to ask anyone to prom?”
Student 2: “Because, it’ll be fun. You get to go hang out with your friends.”
Student 1: “And what are we supposed to do? Dance? What if I don’t want to dance?”
Student 2: “You’re right. Maybe you shouldn’t go to prom.” (2/12/20)

Quote of the Day (instagram)

Student 1: “Mister did you know that [teacher name] has an Instagram?”
Me: “No, but what’s wrong with that? I have one too.”
Student 2: “Yeah but they put their IG name on the board and told everyone to follow their account!”
Student 1: “That’s just self-promotion. Like they’re trying to get their follower count up!” (2/11/20)

Quote of the Day (doubt)

Student [while taking a test]: “I can’t find my answer among all the choices.”
Me: “So...”
Student: “But I did everything right.”
Me: “And...”
Student: “And I can’t find my answer in the choices so you must be wr...oh wait, there it is.” (2/7/20)

Quote of the Day (guppies)

“I saw that. I was wondering if you were raising guppies or something.” - Comment from a high school student as he saw me check on the small bucket I had set up to catch water that was leaking from the ceiling. (2/6/20)

Quote of the Day (quote)

Student 1: “Hey Mister, you should write what [Student 2] said about [Student 3].”
Me: “Why? What did she say?”
Student 1: “[Student 2] called out [Student 3] and said that she would never come back from all her absences.”
Me: “But why should I write that down?”
Student 1: “Because it’s funny.”
Student 3 [laughing]: “Because my test score was still higher than [Student 2]’s even though she had come to class every day.” (2/5/20)

Quote of the Day (joke)

Student 1: “Hey Mister, do you want to hear something funny?”
Student 2: ‘What? Your grade?” (2/4/20)

Quote of the Day (Super Bowl)

Student: “Mister, who were you cheering for?”
Me: “No one.”
Student: “Did you even watch the game?”
Me: “No. Who were you going for?”
Student: “The Chiefs!”
Me: “Is that your team?”
Student: “No. I was only cheering for them because everyone else were fake 49ers fans.” (2/3/20)

Quote of the Day (rating)

Student [after giving two of his classmates a high five]: “Yeah! Mister, you want in on this?”
Me: “No, thank you.”
Student: “Are you sure? These hands are rated E for everyone.” (1/31/20)

Quote of the Day (crisis)

Me: “Hey [Student 1], do you want to know what [Student 2] did to me during recess?”
Student 1: “Oh no, what did she do now?”
Me: “When I came over to my desk, [Student 2] was just standing there giving me the stink eye. So I asked if she needed help, but she said she didn’t. She just kept glaring at me.”
Student 1 [to Student 2]: “What!? Why? What were you doing?”
Student 2: “Hey! I was having an existential crisis, okay?” (1/30/20)

Quote of the Day (straight answer)

Student 1: “Mister, can we use the study guide on the test?”
Me: “I’ve already said it multiple times that there’s only one closed-notes test this entire year.”
Student 1: “So...is that a no?”
Student 2: “No, we already took the closed-notes test.”
Student 1 [to me]: “So can we use it or not? Why can’t you just tell me?”
Me: “I’m saying it like this so you’ll never have to ask me again. There’s only one closed-notes test this entire year, and...”
Student 2: “We already took it.”
Student 1: “Can’t you just give me a straight answer?” (1/28/20)

Quote of the Day (sneeze)

Student 1 sneezes.
Student 2: “Bless you!”
Student 1: “Thanks.”
Student 3: “DID YOU COVER YOUR MOUTH THIS TIME?”
Student 1: “Oh, uh...no.”
Class: “Ewww!” (1/24/20)

Quote of the Day (field trip)

Student 1: “Aren’t you proud of us?”
Me: “About what?”
Student 1: “Me and Student 2 didn’t go on the field trip because we knew we couldn’t miss your class.” (1/23/20)

Quote of the Day (satisfaction)

Student 1: "That unit was hard."
Student 2: "The circles unit in Analytic Geometry."
Student 1: "Yeah, but not as hard as this [AP Calculus].:
Student 2: "True. This stuff that we're doing right now is so hard."
Student 1: "Yeah, but it's so satisfying when you get it. Back then I felt kinda smart when I got the right answer. Now that it's so hard, I feel REALLY smart when I get the right answer." (1/22/20)

Quote of the Day (flu shot)

Student 1 [rubbing her arm]: “[Student 2], did you get your flu shot?”
Student 2: “No! I don’t like shots.”
Student 1: “I got mine. I didn’t want to get it, but my mom made me get it.”
Student 2: “I hope my mom never forces me to get my flu shot.”
Student 1: “My mom tricked me into getting it at my doctors appointment.”
[Note: this is the same student that told me she was tricked into going to the dentist over Thanksgiving break]. (1/21/20)

Quote of the Day (wrong)

Student 1 [looking at the answers to the homework on the board]: “Hey! I got that! Why was it marked wrong?”
Student 2: “Probably because you did something wrong.”
Student 1: “No! I got the same answer, but Mister still circled it wrong.”
Student 2: “Ha! Mister circles the ones you got right.”
Student 1: “How do you know that? He never told us that.”
Student 2: “He told us that at the beginning of the year. He’s been doing that on every assignment since August.”
Student 1: “Then how come I never knew about that.”
Student 2: “[Student 1], it’s probably because you never did your homework all this time.” (1/17/20)

Quote of the Day (adult)

Student 1: “I have to be careful who I call ‘uncle’ or ‘aunty’ now.”
Student 2: “How come?”
Student 1: “Well, at [place of employment], the customers think I’m a college student or an adult.”
Student 2: “What!?”
Student 1: “I know, right? Me? An adult?”
Student 2: “So what happened?”
Student 1: “The other day, I called a customer ‘aunty’ and she got mad because she didn’t think she was that old.” (1/16/20)

Quote of the Day (grade)

Student 1 [sees what grade she got on her test]: “Mister, I did better than I thought.”

Me: “Yes. I’m glad you did well.”

Student 1: “Did Student 2 finish the test?”

Me: “Yes. She did well too.”

Student 1: “What did she get?”

Me: “I can’t tell you that.”

Student 1: “Did she...do better than me?”

Me: “I can’t tell you that either. Besides, why does it matter who scored higher?”

Student 1: “Well, if you can’t tell already, I’m very competitive. I have to score higher than my friends.” (1/15/20)

Quote of the Day (projector)

Me [to Student who was doing something suspicious close to the projector]: “[Student], what are you doing?”
Student [lifts her fidgeting hands up a little higher so I could see that she was rubbing them together]: “My hands are so cold. I’m just warming them up with the projector.”
Me: “Are you going to bring marshmallows next?”
Student: “??? OH! Yes. That’s a good idea.” (1/14/20)

Quote of the Day (helpless)

Student 1: “Mister, what’s today’s date?”
Me: “Did you look on the board before asking?”
Student 2: “Dang. You know you could be nicer about it.” (1/13/20)

Quote of the Day (seat)

Student [after class]: “You were right Mister.”
Me: “??”
Student: “Last semester you told me to move away from those guys so they wouldn’t distract me, and today, I got all of my work done before the end of class.” (1/10/20)

Quote of the Day (mints)

Student [downing a handful of mints]: “I bought a whole bunch of tictacs just for this class so I won’t fall asleep.” (1/9/20)

Quote of the Day (shirt)

“Hey Mister! Do you like my shirt?” - Question from a high school student after he entered my class during recess. As he moved his arms out of the way, I saw that his shirt read “Virginity Rocks”. (1/8/20)