Quote of the Day (gift)

"I brought a gift for you...It's not food, so don't get too excited." - Comment from a high school senior who offered me a nicely wrapped gift as school was ending for Christmas Break. (12/21/16)

Quote of the Day (grade)

"Will that drop my grade?" - Question from a high school student who was barely averaging an A and just scored 75% on the last exam of the semester. (12/20/16)

Quote of the Day (keyboarding)

"I have to say that Mr. ******'s keyboarding class was probably the most useful class I've ever taken." - Random comment from a high school senior as she reminisced about all the classes she'd ever taken at school. (12/16/16)

Quote of the Day (patience)

"You know what I wish for Christmas? Your brain to work as fast as your mouth runs." - Comment from a high school student who was getting frustrated at the speed with which her friend was completing her work. Her friend would constantly get distracted and would start chatting with someone else instead of staying focused. (12/15/16)

Quote of the Day (pee)

"I wish I could pee from my fingers." - Overshare from a high school student before she left class to use the bathroom. (12/14/16)

Quote of the Day (girls)

"Don't mess with girls; they'll kill you." - Exclamation from a high school senior after a short rant about how a (male) classmate sabotaged her presentation by making weird faces to distract her. (12/13/16)

Quote of the Day (Plug)

"I'm going to put this back because it's my responsibility." - Comment from a high school senior (in an advanced math class) right before he did this. (12/12/16)

Quote of the Day (laugh)

"I'm too hungry to laugh." - Confession from a high school senior after something happened that made all her peers laugh during class. (12/9/16)

Quote of the Day (diabetes)

Student: "Mister, do you want some [candy]?"
Me: "Not right now, thank you."
Student tosses almost a full bag of candy in the trash.
Me: "Why didn't you share some with your friends?"
Student: "Too much sugar. It would be like giving them diabetes."
...But it's OK to offer them to me? (12/6/16)

Quote of the Day (homeboy)

Student 1 walks in wearing a Santa hat with some words embroidered on the white base trim.
Student 2: "Does your hat say 'Bah homeboy?'"
Student 1 responds disgustedly: "No, why would it say that?"
Student 2 realizing the absurdity of her question while laughing: "Well, it should!"
(12/5/16)

Quote of the Day (help)

An exchange as one student stood up to leave after class.
Student 1: "Wait! You didn't help me yet."
Student 2: "I did help you. I told you to drop the class."
(12/2/16)

Quote of the Day (play)

Student 1: "Mister, are you coming to our play?"
Me: "Yes. I'm planning on it."
Student 1: "Good! Then you can bring us all flowers."
Student 2: "Shh! Don't tell him that or he won't come. We want as many people to come to the play as possible." (12/1/16)

Quote of the Day (greetings)

Student: "Oh, Mister! somebody who knows you told me to tell you 'hi'."
Me: "Who?"
Student: "I don't know who she was, but she was old."
(11/30/16)

Quote of the Day (kids)

A few months ago, the following student expressed her desire to become a teacher after she graduates from college.
Student: "Mister, are you ever going to have kids?"
Me: "That's an extremely personal question."
Student: "You're right. Sorry."
[moments later]
Student: "Are you not going to answer my question?"
Me: "No. Why do you want to know anyway?"
Student: "Because, I want to know if I'll be able to teach your kids someday."
(11/29/16)

Quote of the Day (dream)

Student: "Mister, I had a dream about you over the break."
Me (obviously intrigued): "Oh? What was it about?"
Student: "It was horrible."
Me (bracing for the worst): "Uh oh. What was wrong?"
Student: "I dreamt that you didn't have a lesson prepared for us like you usually do."
Me (relieved): "That is horrible. That's my nightmare."
Student: "It was so boring. All we did was just sit around and do nothing."
(11/28/16)

Quote of the Day (taco bell)

Student with an infamous affection for Taco Bell begins zoning out during her assignment right before lunch.
Me: "Do you need help? Are you OK?"
Student: "No. I'm just thinking about Taco Bell."
Me: "When are you NOT thinking about Taco Bell?"
Student: "When I'm thinking about McDonald's"
(11/23/16)

Quote of the Day (bag)

Student: "Mister, are you using that bag?"
Me: "Yes. Why?"
Student: "I need a bag to put over my head during [my performance for] today's assembly."
(11/23/16)

Quote of the Day (telling)

Student: "Mister, do you tell your other students about the stupid stuff I do?"
Me: "Me? No. I would nev..."
Student: "Why not!? You should. It would be hilarious." (11/22/16)

Quote of the Day (congratulations)

A student begins suspiciously ogling a small container that someone gave to me earlier in the day. 

Student: "Are those...cookies?"

Me: "Yes. Why?"

Student: "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to congratulate you. That's all." (11/21/16)

Quote of the Day (Korean)

"Mister! You're Korean? What does 'it-g-ma' mean?" - Query from a (non-Asian) high school student who apparently has an entire K-Pop song (잊지마) memorized. (10/26/16)

Quote of the Day (basic)

"ARGH! I hate helping people who don't understand basic math!" - Complaint from a high school student who had gotten frustrated trying to help her friend during class. (11/17/16)

Quote of the Day (study)

Student: "Mister, was this test easier than the other ones?"
Me: "No."
Student: "Oh, then it must be because I studied for this one."
Me: *bites tongue*
(11/16/16)

Quote of the Day (slur)

"Mister, did you know there's a database for racial slurs online?" - Random question from a former student who also taught me that the school's network blocks urbandictionary.com. (11/15/16)

Quote of the Day (senior quote)

"Mister, I think I finally figured out what my senior quote is going to be." - Statement from a high school student who has been deliberating over his yearbook entry a little too much over the last few weeks. When I asked him what it was going to be he smiled and said, "The school's WiFi password is..." (11/14/16)

Quote of the Day (town)

Student: "Mister, did I ever ask you this?"
Me: "Ask me what?"
Student: "Did I ever ask you where you went to high school?"
Me: "I'm pretty sure you have."
Student: "You went to school in town, right?"
Me: "No."
Student: "Oh, that's right. You're not from around here are you."
(11/10/16)

Quote of the Day (money)

"No. You're wrong. I'm pretty sure you'd have less problems if you had more money." - Correction from a high school student who clearly did not get my hip hop reference during today's lesson about salaries. (11/9/16)

Quote of the Day (voting)

"Mister, why won't you tell me who you're voting for?" - Question from a high school student who just minutes earlier blasted me for giving my opinion that I thought his favorite movie was overrated after he had asked if I had seen it. (11/7/16)

Quote of the Day (snow)

"Is that snow?" - Question from a high school senior that elicited lots of eye rolls and groans from his peer after he saw this image of some nearby mountains on the projector. (11/4/16)

Quote of the Day (math teacher)

"Mister, [sister's name] says she might want to become a math teacher because of what you told her yesterday." - Secret(?) from a high school student a day after I had confessed to her sister that the subject I'm teaching is my weakest subject and that my struggles as a learner make me a more sympathetic teacher. We also talked about job security and loan forgiveness programs for math teachers because of a nationwide shortage. (11/3/16)

Quote of the Day (monkey 2)

"*sigh* Mister, I never said you were a monkey. I only meant you were sitting like a monkey." - Weak apology from a student after I teased her for saying that I looked like a monkey last week. (11/2/16)

Quote of the Day (monkey)

Student: "Mister, you just sitting there makes you look like one of those monkeys?"
Me: "What?!?!?"
Student: "You know, one of those monkeys. Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil."
Me: "My hands are on my lap."
Student: "No. I didn't mean your face. I meant that your body looks like a monkey."

(10/28/16)

Quote of the Day (cactus)

"Hey! Stop being racist. I'm a cactus not a Mexican." - Response barked at me from a high school student wearing pipe cleaners all over her green costume. I had merely mentioned something about the sombrero she was wearing. (10/31/16)

Quote of the Day (scary math)

Student: "Mister, I get to dress up tomorrow and scare little kids!"
Me: "Where?"
Student: "At the elementary school."
Me: "At the school? What are you going to do, yell math questions at them?"
Student: "Ha ha. Yes."
Student looks at me closely.
Student: "I will dress up in glasses...a collared shirt...and khaki* pants. It'll be so scary."
(10/28/16)

* - The student mispronounced khaki pants as "kanky" pants.

Quote of the Day (Hagrid)

"I'm going to name my kid Hagrid." - Part of a very strange conversation I walked in on between two high school students. (10/27/16)

Quote of the Day (test)

"I liked this. We should do it more often." - Comment from a high school student after she finished a standardized test. I suspect her enthusiasm stemmed not from her enjoyment of the test itself but rather the easiness of it compared to what we normally do in class. (10/26/16)

Quote of the Day (morning)

"I'm not breathing so hard. Is it because [the stairs] are easier to climb in the morning?" - Question from a high school student who complains almost every afternoon about the stairs right in front of my classroom on the third floor. (10/25/16)

Quote of the Day (notes)

Student: "I don't know what happened to my notes from the last section. Could you tell me what it's about?"
Me: "It's about (topic)."
Student: "Is that the one with all the formulas? Could you put it up (on the projector)?"
Me: "You could just look it up online yourself."
Student: "I think I'll just ask somebody for them."
(10/24/16)

Quote of the Day (Random Questions)

"Mister, are you double jointed?" & "Mister, do you watch 'The Flash'?" - Two random questions asked at different times during class. (10/21/16)

Quote of the Day (graph paper)

"Hey! Your shirt looks like graph paper." - Observation from a high school student about my wardrobe. (10/20/16)

Quote of the Day (warning)

"Don't eat that! It probably has peanuts." - Warning from a high school student as she watched me unwrap my lunch, a lowly granola bar. I suspect it wasn't a selfless act as she always tries to ask for food. (10/19/16)

Quote of the Day (last spot)

"I came here to ask if I could fill your last opening. [Student name] told me you only had one opening left for letter of recommendation requests so I had to come here right away." - Comment from a former student who filled my 20th (and last) opening right before class started. (10/18/16)

Quote of the Day (brother)

The following are all quotes from a student who saw my brother from afar while he was visiting me during Fall Break.
"Mister, did you tell your brother about me after I saw you?"
"Did you tell him how awesome I was, or did you tell him all the weird things about me?"
"He looked taller than you."
"He's not? Well, then he looked more Asian than you."
"You don't look that Asian."
"Wait! Is that a compliment or something mean?"
(10/17/16)

Quote of the Day (dating)

Student 1: "When I turn 35, I'm going to run for president. I'll be the first Asian president. Would you vote for me?"
Student 2: "I would never vote for you. If anything, I would assassinate you."
Coworker: "(to Student 2) Is Student 1 the one I see you holding hands with in the hall? Are you dating?"
Student 1: (painfully) "Noooooooooooo."
Student 2 drops to the floor.
(10/7/16)

Quote of the Day (dating)

Student 1: "Wow. I seriously had no idea they were dating. Did you know they were dating?"
Student 2: "For a while now."
Student 1: "Mister, did you know they were dating?"
Me: "Yes."
Student 1: "OH MY GOSH! Even Mister knew!?!? Why am I literally the last one to find out?"
(10/7/16)

Quote of the Day (man)

"Mister, do I sound like a man?" - Question from a female student in the middle of class. (10/6/16)

Quote of the Day (outcasts)

"Thanks for leaving your doors open for us...the outcasts." - Comment from a high school student who realized that I've always left my doors open for lunch even if it meant that I didn't have time to eat. (10/5/16)

Quote of the Day (struggle buddy)

Student 1 (to Student 2): "What's up struggle buddy?"
Me: "?"
Student 1: "Oh, it's like he's a snuggle buddy, but only with struggles because we're both dying in this class."
(9/29/16)

Quote of the Day (help)

"My professor told me to ask my math teacher for help." - Reason given by a former student, who's deep into his first year of college, explaining why he unexpectedly appeared in my classroom after school today. I'm pretty sure the professor meant for him to ask his CURRENT math teacher. (10/3/16)

Quote of the Day (gram)

"Mister, did you make a 'gram'?" - Confusing question from a student just as class was starting. From a follow up conversation, I learned that she had stumbled upon the fake Instagram account I made in reaction to yesterday's social media post addressed to me by a former student. (9/30/16)

Quote of the Day (post)

"Hey Mister, did you see ******'s [social media] post?" - Question from a high school student as she walked into my class before school started. Several other students asked me similar questions throughout the day. Fortunately, the post was not slanderous but rather a photo that I had altered at the request of the student last school year replete with hashtags akin to #FavStudent. (9/29/16)

Quote of the Day (password)

"Mister, are you allowed to type the wifi password into our phones?" - Question from a high school student who clearly doesn't know two things: 1) internet security and 2) me. (9/28/16)

Quote of the Day (printing)

"Mister, could you print something for me?" - Question from a high school student that I've never met before. I assume he procrastinated something and needed it for the next period. (9/27/16)

Quote of the Day (assistant)

"She even brags about it in our other classes." - Comment from a high school student whose peer is apparently very proud that I said she was like my TA (Teacher's Aide) on the day that she finished her work early and was seen helping other students. (9/23/16)

Quote of the Day (lunch)

"Mister, you know that you eat lunch slowly, right?" - Question from a high school student who was observing me eat lunch after she had just interviewed me for her project during the scant 30 minutes I have for lunch in between classes. (9/23//16)

Quote of the Day (best)

"Mister, you know what's the best?" - Question from a former student who came back to visit. When I couldn't respond in a satisfactory manner, he flashed a newly minted driver's license and said, "Making solo runs to McDonald's. No more walking or asking people for a ride when I want to eat there." (9/22/16)

Quote of the Day (favorite)

"Mister, are we your favorite students?" - Question from one of two chatty students who were busy mocking each other instead of getting help on their assignments on the only day I was allowed to go home early. (9/21/16)

Quote of the Day (calling)

"Mister, I think I figured out what I want to do with my life." - Proud exclamation from a high school senior just as class was finishing. She gleefully continued, "I want to be a teacher. No, for real!" (9/20/16)

Quote of the Day (drugs)

"It wasn't because of drugs." - Comment from a smiling high school student who went well out of his way to clear the air after he had been mysteriously pulled out of class and called down to the office for the second week in a row. (9/19/16)

Quote of the Day (lines)

Me: "Bad estimations lead to things such as mismatched lane lines on the road like that bridge [near the school]."
Student: "What if you don't care about lines? I don't need any straight lines in the real world."
Me: "OK, I'll give you a hundred percent without the straight line."
Student: "...HEY!?!? That's not what I meant."
(9/16/16)

Quote of the Day (hyper)

"Mister, I don't know why I'm so hyper today." - Strange comment from a high school student who came into my class just to talk. He later admitted a potential cause of his strange behavior, "I think it's because I just found out that the girl that I like broke up with her boyfriend yesterday." (9/13/16)

Quote of the Day (alive)

Student 1: "Do you still keep in touch with Mr. [name of former coworker who moved to a different school]?"
Me: "Sometimes."
Student 2: "What!? He's still alive?"
(9/14/16)

Quote of the Day (lighter)

"Mister, can I borrow a lighter?" - Random question from a high school student in the middle of class. After I joked with him about the dangers of smoking at such an early age, he rummaged around his bag for the free bible that was given out by a religious group in front of the school this morning. "Mister, I don't smoke. I just wanted to burn this." (9/13/16)

Quote of the Day (plot)

"So if I touched some of [friend's name]'s peanuts then rubbed my fingers all over your water bottle, would you die?" - Question from a high school student after I had to refuse her friend's offering of some of her trail mix because of my peanut allergy. (9/12/16)

Quote of the Day (lunch)

"Mister, I've got to go eat school lunch today." - Statement from a student that temporarily confused me as he exited the class. I soon remembered that he was just acknowledging a long-running inside joke that started when I told him that a few years ago his older brother would stealthily eat his lunch during my class almost every day. (9/9/16)

Quote of the Day (eraser)

Student 1: "Where's my eraser!? Did you take it!?"
Student 2: "I never touched your eraser."
Student 1: "Give me back my eraser!"
Student 2: "I swear I never touched your eraser."
[a few minutes of arguing later]
Student 1: "There's my eraser!"
Me: "Where was it?"
Student 1: "I was sitting on it."
(8/5/16)

Quote of the Day (dirt)

"Mister, this is bothering me. Do you have a broom?" - Comment from a high school student who was annoyed that the floor around his desk was so dirty since it hadn't been swept in almost two weeks. (9/7/16)

Quote of the Day (perspective)

"It's so weird. I never thought of myself that way." - Confession from a high school student after I allowed him to read the letter of recommendation I wrote for him. (9/2/16)

Quote of the Day (cannibalism)

"Humans can taste good too...If you cook them right." - Random comment that I overheard during class right before lunch. (9/1/16)

Quote of the Day (bomb)

Student 1 [playfully]: "If the hurricane doesn't hit, I'm going to bomb this class so we don't have to come to school."
Me: "Nobody's that interested in what grade you plan to get in this class."
Student 1: "...Hey! That's not funny."
(8/31/16)

Quote of the Day (salmon)

"Mister! Are you eating salmon?!" - Question from an overly curious high school student as he peered into my lunch and saw a piece of sausage that was cut so thinly that it could be stretched out to a full meal. (8/30/16)

Quote of the Day (history)

Student 1: "I hate Miss [teacher's name]."
Student 2: "Why? I like her."
Student1: "She's so boring. She just talks all period. All she does is talk about old stuff."
Student 2: "Duh! She's a history teacher."
(8/29/16)

Quote of the Day (full)

"Should we go 'full nerd' and sit in the front or 'half nerd' and sit somewhere in the middle?" - Question posed by a high school student to her friend as they were deciding which seat to take for my new seating chart. (8/24/16)

Quote of the Day (unfinished)

"What do you mean it's not done? Can you help me?" - Questions from a high school student who stayed after school pontificating the finer details of the Rocky movies instead of getting help to finish the work that was just handed back to him because several problems were missing. (8/25/16)

Quote of the Day (fan art)

"It's fan art." - A high school student's description of this portrait of me. (8/24/16)

Quote of the Day (college elevator)

"I really hope the college that I go to has elevators." - Complaint from a high school student who was out of breath after climbing to my class on the third floor. (8/23/16)

Quote of the Day (recommendation)

"Mister, you saw me do all the extra practice problems, right?" - Self-promoting question as class ended from a high school student who had asked me to fill out a letter of recommendation form at the beginning of class. (8/22/16)

Quote of the Day (lie-fi)

Student 1: "Hey! Did they change the wi-fi password?"
Student 2 pulls out phone to check: "Yeah, I can't get on anymore. Well, I guess I won't be on my phone so much in class."
Student 3: "What!? What are we going to do?"
All eyes turn to me.
Student 1: "I bet Mister knows the password!"
(8/16/16)

Quote of the Day (America)

Student 1 gleefully enters class pointing to his garish red and blue hat covered in white stars: "U-S-A! U-S-A! Look! I'm patriotic today."
Student 2: "It was probably made in China."
Student 1 takes off his hat to check: "Mister, do you have a pair of scissors so I can cut off the label?"
(8/15/16)

Quote of the Day (phone call)

"That was my mom. She was calling to tell me how proud she was of me." - Comment from a student shortly after she asked to step outside of the classroom to take a phone call while her peers worked to finish a short assessment. Apparently she sent a picture to her mom of her score just a few minutes after she finished her assessment. (8/15/16)

Quote of the Day (stress)

"I have so much stuff (to worry about) it looks like Sharknado, but with stress...STRESSNADO!" - Comment during a visit from a former student after I mentioned that it must be a lot less stressful to be on campus now that she's done with school. (8/12/16)

Quote of the Day (peanut butter)

"Is peanut butter made from peanuts?" - Question from a high school senior that elicited strange looks from both me and her classmate. After realizing how stupid that question sounded, she exclaimed, "I don't know! They need to teach us these things in elementary school!" (8/11/16)

Quote of the Day (excuses)

"You never taught us this." & "I forgot my calculator." - Two of the best (worst?) excuses from students after they bombed a placement test following a week of reviewing some prerequisite math skills (fractions, radical expressions, graphing rational functions) necessary for the advanced math class they chose to enroll in. (8/10/16)

Quote of the Day (song)

"Hey! This is the one that Miss (Former Teacher's Name) taught us? You know, the song." - Exclamation from several students as we reviewed the quadratic formula in an advanced math class. (8/9/16)

Quote of the Day (old)

"It was nice to come back and see my old teachers...WAIT! I didn't mean to say that you were old." - Comment from a former student who came to see me for the first time since he graduated in May. (8/8/16)

Quote of the Day (stats)

"Is AP Stats and AP Statistics the same thing?" - Question from a high school senior who is currently enrolled in one of those two classes. (8/5/16)

Quote of the Day (goal)

"I need to work on leaving class faster... to maximize my recess time." - Ambition of a high school student that I overheard after she apologized for making two of her friends wait for her as she packed up her books long after everyone else left for recess. (8/4/16)

Quote of the Day (return)

" *sigh* It's like we never left." - Complaint from a high school senior as I had the class begin on their first assignment after summer break. (8/3/16)

Quote of the Day (ruining)

"I felt like telling him, 'Go away! Stop ruining my summer!'" - Comment from a high school student after she told me that she ran into her "favorite" teacher over summer break. (8/2/16)

Quote of the Day (physics)

"I'm sorry I couldn't find anything for the 'K' so I had to use a physics symbol for the (Gaussian) Gravitational Constant." - Unnecessary apology from a high school student after she handed me this painstakingly written math themed thank you note. (5/26/16)

Quote of the Day (cauliflower)

Student 1: "... Then he didn't eat his cauliflower."
Student 2: "What's a cauliflower?"
S1: "You don't know what a cauliflower is? It's that white vegetable that looks like broccoli."
S2: "What? Why is the broccoli white? Is it because somebody spray painted it?" (5/23/16)

Quote of the Day (rainbow)

Student 1: "I wonder what a rainbow would look like to a blind person."
Student 2: "Duh, it would look dark and white."
(I miss my seniors already) (5/24/16)

Quote of the Day (competition)

"Do you want to hear some of the interesting things Mr. [coworker's name] says?" - Question from a high school student as she cracked open her notebook to read some funny quotes from another teacher. When I admitted I write down some funny things students said to me, she said, "Did you write down anything that I said in class? I would be honored if something I said was on that list." (5/23/16)

Quote of the Day (sub)

"I guess it's OK. I'll let it go this time." - Approval from a high school student after she learned that I would be missing only my third day of work this school year. In an entirely different class another student commented, "This is my only class I'm sad in when there's a sub." (5/19/16)

Quote of the Day (Walmart)

"It's like a little Walmart in here." - Comment from a high school student after I offered her one of the spare plastic spoons I keep in my class for all the times I forget my utensils for my lunch at home. (5/12/16)

Quote of the Day (moments)

"Those are the moments I'll always remember because you never let me forget them!" - Reply from a student after I questioned why she only listed the funny moments in class for a form entry that asked her to "List an interesting or memorable event, lesson, activity, or personal interaction that took place in my class". (5/17/16)

Quote of the Day (teach)

"Maybe you should teach your computer to be able to reduce fractions." -  Comment from a student after he got his scores back from an online assessment. One of his answers was marked incorrect because he didn't reduce one of his answers. (5/16/16)

Quote of the Day (last day wish)

"What if they're doing this so they can do something nice for us because it's our last day?" - Naïve question from a high school senior before she found out that the schoolwide emergency lockdown was due to a police chase of a (pellet) gun wielding stranger near campus on the seniors' last day of classes. (5/13/16)

Quote of the Day (install)

"Heh heh heh, 'instill fear', that sounds so stupid." - Observation from a student after I corrected her peer on his comment that he was going to "install fear" into anyone who messed with his friend. (5/12/16)

Quote of the Day (cameras)

"Wait, the cameras actually work?" - Suspicious question from a high school student after I said that the administration would be reviewing the footage from the cameras around campus to find information regarding the perpetrators of a malicious prank today. She continued, "I didn't think they really worked so I've been dancing in front of them this whole time." (5/11/16)

Quote of the Day (excuse)

"I didn't know we could do that." - Excuse from a high school student who complained about the difficulty of a test where I allowed students to confer with each other for the last fifteen minutes before turning it in. According to my recollection that student DID know about the ability to work together and instead chose to sit around wasting close to 40 minutes thinking he could just get the answers from his classmates who were doing their best. His peers were on to his plot, and ALL of them turned in their tests before the last fifteen minutes so he couldn't freeload. (5/10/16)

Quote of the Day (shrimp)

"Ha ha ha. Look at him. He looks like a shrimp trying to swim away." - Comment from a high school student as she watched a video of her brother trying to escape a hold in judo. (5/9/16)

Quote of the Day (cold)

Me: "So how was your (AP) test?"
Student 1: "It was cold."
Student 2: "Yeah! I was freezing."
S1: "It was so cold that all the desks were wet from condensation."
S2: "At one point, we had to open the windows to let the warm air in."
(5/6/16)

Quote of the Day (borrow)

"Mister, can I borrow that?" - Question from a high school student pointing to something on my desk. When asked to specify what he wanted to borrow, he just pointed to my desk again and said, "That." I later found out he was asking if he could "borrow" the crackers I had brought for my lunch. (5/5/16)

Quote of the Day (plea)

"Mister, please don't make me go take that test." - Heartfelt plea from a high school junior who was scheduled to leave class in order to take a standardized test in the computer lab. (5/4/16)

Quote of the Day (old)

"Wait!? You're Mr. Hwang?" - Question from one of my student's friends at a school event. When I asked why she was so surprised and if she needed to see my ID, she replied, "I don't know. By the way my friends talk about you, I just thought you were old." (5/3/16)

Quote of the Day (monkeys)

"Ha! Listen to those monkeys." - Observation accompanied by a condescending chuckle from a high school senior regarding some students screeching like simians just downstairs. I didn't have the heart to remind him that just months earlier, I had to reprimand him for distracting the class by incessantly clucking like a chicken. (5/2/2016)

Quote of the Day (breathe)

"Mister, I can't breathe." - Statement from a high school senior who was wearing a shirt that was at least three times smaller than what he normally wears. Apparently, he forgot his gym clothes and found the biggest shirt in the lost and found bin. The absolute absurdity of seeing a big guy in such a tiny shirt was exacerbated by two things:
1 - My other student who was in the class to do make up work couldn't stop laughing and said, "You can't breathe? I can't breathe!"
2 - A few minutes later, his sister came walking by and yelled at him for wearing his shirt. When she found out it wasn't hers, she began to walk away only to be called back by the student who ran out the door. From the corner of my eye, I saw that he had recruited his sister to try and pull off the tiny shirt so he could finally change. (4/29/16)

Quote of the Day (shorts)

"For the next 10 minutes after you left, me and [student's name] discussed how often you probably wear shorts." - Confession from a high school student as we talked about how surprised he was to see me wearing shorts at a recent fundraiser. (4/28/16)

Quote of the Day (bicep)

"I want to touch Captain America's bicep." - Personal thought by a high school student that was said a bit too loudly just as the class got quiet. (4/27/16)

Quote of the Day (suffercate)

"Maybe it should be pronounced that way because you're suffering when you can't breathe." - Statement from a high school student after she was teased by her peers for mispronouncing "suffocate" as "suffercate". (4/26/16)

Quote of the Day (2 Mondays)

"Mister, did you know that after today there are only TWO more Mondays left?" - Question from a high school senior who apparently is anxiously awaiting her graduation. (4/25/16)

Quote of the Day (Earth Day 2)

"REALLY!? On this day?" - Scolding from a high school student after he saw his friend put his juice bottle in the trash instead of the recycling bin. (4/22/16)

Quote of the Day (Jolomua)

Student 1 [reading the Hawaiian word holomua] : "Wait, is the H silent?"
Student 2: "No, that's only for Spanish, dummy."
Student 1: "So... is it 'jolomua'?"
Student 2 looks at Student 3 then to me as I try to stifle my laughter: "Do you live in 'Jawaii'?"
[laughter]
Student 1: "No."
Me: "Is it pronounced 'Jonolulu'?"
[more laughter]
Student 1: "Duh! It's 'Honolulu'! But you never answered my question!"
Student 3 [pointing to me]: "Is he Mr. 'Jwang'?"
[raucous laughter]
(4/14/16)

Quote of the Day (Earth Day)

"We rode our bikes to school because our teacher told us it was Earth Day today. When we got to school someone told us that it's not until Friday!" - Complaint from a student upon her breathless arrival to the first class of the day. (4/20/16)

Quote of the Day (truth)

"I hate it when other students ask when they're going to use this in real life." - Complaint from a high school junior during a particularly difficult lesson. Before I could agree with his sentiment he continued, "They're just trying to get out of doing work that they haven't even tried to understand yet." Is there an award for Student of the Year? (4/19/16)

Quote of the Day (triangle)

"I don't know. A triangle?" - Cringe inducing answer from a student after he tried to get me to tell him what kind of figure a certain equation made. Since January, we have only graphed four shapes: circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas. Just seconds after I told him to stop relying on me and to look at his notes from less than a week ago, I caught him trying to ask his friend for the answer. (4/18/16)

Quote of the Day (i)

Student 1: "Mister, if I send you my essay, can you print it for me please? Oh, but you can't read it."
Me: "I already see a typo. Would you like to fix it before I print it?"
Student 1: "Where? You promised you wouldn't read it!"
Student 2: "He's just trying to help you. Hurry up and fix it!"
Me: "In your first sentence, you forgot to capitalize 'I'."
Student 2: "Oh my gosh. I can't believe you..."
Me: "WOW! You forgot to capitalize a lot of your 'I's!"
Student 1: "What!? How did I miss all of that?"
Me: "Because your eyes were too small."
Students 2 & 3 start laughing
[awkward 30 seconds later]
Student 1: "I don't get it."
(4/14/16)

Quote of the Day (toothpaste)

"What is that? Is that toothpaste?" - Question from a high school student who clearly misread strangely colored poop emoji (💩) that was on the screen in front of the class. (4/12/16)

Quote of the Day (voice)

"I like it Mister; it makes you sound sultry." - Compliment(?) from a student in regards to my raspy voice. A student in another class simply said, "Mister, you sound like Batman." (4/11/16)

Quote of the Day (Machu PIcchu)

"Aw man! Now I don't have a reason to live anymore." - Comment from a high school student when he found out a special event we were scheduled to attend was canceled. Just one day earlier, we were promised the chance to experience a virtual field trip to Machu Picchu only to find out it was axed just two days later. (4/7/16)

Quote of the Day (way)

"Do you like that? I just came up with it." - Question from a student seeking approval for her new proverb: "Where there's a Hwang, there's a way." (4/6/16)

Quote of the Day (party)

"Do you always have a party in here after school?" - Question from a former student who stopped by to wait for her friend as she finished her work. I guess that the unusual amount of cheerful laughter from the remaining students gave her the impression that we were having some kind of party. (4/5/16)

Quote of the Day (TV)

"I have an important question. It's not math related, but which is the better show Friends or How I Met Your Mother?" - Question from a high school student in the middle of class (4/1/16)

Quote of the Day (April Fools)

"Mister, that's an April Fools' joke, right?" - Question from a high school student after she read that our test is scheduled for next week. (4/1/16)

Quote of the Day (picture)

Me (to Student 1): "Oh, I saw a dead cat today on my way to work."
Student 1: "Ooh! Where?"
Me: "Right out in front of the school."
Student 1: "Did you take a picture of it?"
(3/31/16)

Quote of the Day (allergy)

"Mister, I think I'm allergic to wind." - Comment from a high school student as she frantically tried to fix her hair after entering class on a blustery day. (3/29/16)

Quote of the Day (smart)

Student 1: "Mister, [Student 2] did something funny today."
Student 2: "Shhh. Don't tell him."
Student 1: "I wrote her name with 'is pretty' next to it. She added 'and smart', but she didn't spell smart right."
Me to Student 2: "How did you spell it?"
Student 2 [sheepishly]: "S-T-M-A-R-T"
Student 1: "Yup, you should've just left it at '[Student 2] is pretty'."
(3/29/16)

Quote of the Day (IG)

"OH MY GOSH! Mister, did you know that [teacher's name] has an instagram?!?!?" - Question from a high school senior who hasn't yet realized that teachers have lives outside of school. (3/14/16)

Quote of the Day (Cat 3)

"I can totally picture her as one of those people who drives around having to pick up dead animals." - Comment from a high school student regarding her classmate who keeps telling me that seeing a dead cat on the road was the highlight of her week. (3/11/16)

Quote of the Day (cat 2)

After telling a colleague about a student who thought that seeing a dead cat was "cool", my colleague mentioned that she saw a dead cat on the highway this morning.
Student: "What!? Where!?"
Teacher: "It's probably gone by now."
Student: "Aw. Was it cool?"
(3/10/16)

Quote of the Day (happiness)

"I'm so happy now." - Comment from a high school student as she leaned her head back against the wall by an open window that was funneling the cool wind into the class. She closed her eyes while she snacked on a piece of chocolate as the rest of her classmates were busy trying to frantically complete the challenging assessment she had just finished. (3/9/16)

Quote of the Day (cat)

"Hey Mister, I saw a dead cat on the road today." - Greeting from a high school student as I was just about to eat my lunch. Her follow up statement was, "It was cool." (3/8/16)

Quote of the Day (excuse)

"Mister, I wasn't here for the last few days so I don't know how to do any of this." - Lame excuse proudly proclaimed from a high school student who returned from a 2-day absence due to a school activity. At the time we were reviewing lessons from the first semester. (3/2/16)

Quote of the Day (pressure)

Student 1: "What is this? Is this like some kind of Teacher Ditch Day or something?"
Question from a high school student after it was announced that there was a shortage of substitute teachers on campus. Shortly afterwards, another announcement was made manipulatively praising one teacher for sacrificing his prep period to cover for one of the missing teachers followed by a plea for other teachers to follow suit.
Student 2: "Mister, are you going to volunteer?"
Student 2: "Yeah Mister, are you?"
Students begin chanting: "MISTER HWANG! MISTER HWANG!"
(3/4/16)

Quote of the Day (poverty)

"I'm too poor to own a [graphing] calculator." - Excuse from a student as she took out her iPhone after seeing how poorly she did on her exam. (3/3/16)

Quote of the Day (cropping)

"Mister, why does his picture say 'assrooms'?" - Question from a high school student who was viewing another teacher's website and saw this poorly cropped picture. (3/2/16) 

Quote of the Day (testing x 2)

Here are the two best quotes from an arduous day of testing:
"I should've brought a calculator." - Realization from a student on the very first question of the math portion of the test.
"Mister, is that a lawn mower?" - Question from a student in the middle of the test. Sadly, it was a lawn mower cutting the grass during such a high stakes test. (3/1/16)

Quote of the Day (scrolling)

"Mister, can you tell me what slide the problems are on? It's too hard scrolling through all the slides just to find them." - Question that got no sympathetic response from me considering that it took me a long time to type and upload all those slides just to have her complain about how hard it is to scroll through them. (2/29/16)

Quote of the Day (worst)

Student [as we walk by a teacher's class]: "Miss [teacher's name] is the worst!"
Me: "That's her class, why would you say such a thing?"
S: "It doesn't matter. She's not here."
Me: "Still, that wasn't a very polite thing to say. What did she do to you?"
S: "She requested a sub that knows how to teach so we actually had to do work today." (2/26/16)

Quote of the Day (hairy chicken)

"Wait! Did he just say 'hairy chicken'?" - Question from a high school student after it was announced that today's lunch would be teri chicken. (2/25/16)

Quote of the Day (brain)

"I need a calculator; my head is too small." - Expression of frustration from a high school student while she worked on her assignment. (2/23/16)

Quote of the Day (Damn Daniel)

Random student outburst: "Daaaammnn Daniel."
Multiple student reactions: "Ha ha ha. That's so funny.", "I hate that thing." & "It's so annoying."
[fervor dies down]
Second random student outburst: "Oh my gosh! Mister's name is Daniel!!!"
Irritating chorus of "Daaaammmn Daniel" circulates around the room for a second time. (2/23/16)

Quote of the Day (Friday)

"I'm so happy it's Friday. Aren't you happy it's Friday? I'm so happy it's Friday that I even wore my aloha shirt today." - Rapid fire greeting from a female student to her peer as she entered the classroom. (2/19/16)

Quote of the Day (food)

"Mister, what are you eating?" - Question from a high school student who saw me trying to wolf down the last of my granola bar that I didn't get to finish during recess. I hastily swallowed and answered her question before asking her why she was so curious thinking that I might have some crumbs on my face. She responded, "No reason. I'm just hungry." (2/18/16)

Quote of the Day (negative two)

"Oh no! Is this going to be some kind of inside joke that you're going to keep bringing up from now on?" - Question from a high school student who lost his chance to score 100% on his exam only because he did his calculations with two instead of negative two as the problem was written. (2/17/16)

Quote of the Day (promposal)

"Mister, I was wondering if I could hide in your closet until she comes to class." - Not a very well thought out part of a high school student's otherwise solid plan to surprise his peer that he wanted to ask to prom. He conceded to hiding in the class next door (with permission) until she arrived. (2/16/16)

Quote of the Day (theft)

"Mister, I had a dream that I logged out of one of your laptops, closed it up and then put it in my bag and walked off. I woke up feeling so horrible about it." - Foreshadowing(?) from a high school student at the beginning of class. (2/12/16)

Quote of the Day (highlight)

"Mister, that just made my day." - Comment from a politically informed former student after I showed him the hilarious trumpdonald.org website. (2/10/16)

Quote of the Day (jump)

"Mister, should I take the stairs or just jump?" - Question from a high school student after she saw her unusually low test score. (2/8/16)

Quote of the Day (expectation)

"I will expect that from you by Monday." - Quip from a high school student who offered to send me a video of one of my students doing something special so I could post a part of it on our class website. (2/5/16)

Quote of the Day (gratitude)

"Oh, Mister. I wanted to thank you for showing Mr. [teacher's name] how to use google drive." - Comment from a high school student as he entered my class. Unfortunately the conversation did not end there. He continued, "Now I can wait until right before midnight to finish my paper and send it to his email." (2/4/16)

Quote of the Day (33%)

"Mister! It says I'm only 33% done, but I've been working on this the whole time...-ish." - Complaint from a student during an assignment that she was focused on 33% of the time. (2/3/16)

Quote of the Day (taught)

"Mister, did you teach us this?" - Question from a high school student in the middle of a test. (2/2/2016)

Quote of the Day (OK)

Me: "Are you OK?"
Tired/distracted looking student: "Huh? No...I mean, yeah. I'm OK. I'm just thinking about what I'm going to get at taco bell after school." (2/1/16)

Quote of the Day (sister)

"Noooooooooo. Please don't tell her about this." - Plea from a high school student after I threatened to tell her sister about the mistake she made in class. My student always makes fun of her sister's mistakes, but today she had accidentally written that  5 - 2 = 7, and it threw off all of her remaining calculations. Her sister loved hearing this new information and told me she would ask "Hey [student's name], what's five minus two?" right after school. (1/29/16)

Quote of the Day (crow's nest)

"Mister, your class is like a crow's nest. You can see almost all of campus from here." - Comment from a high school student as he stood looking out the window from my class on the third floor. (1/26/16)

Quote of the Day (NFL)

"I called out his [TY Hilton's] name, and he looked at me." - Gleeful exclamation after I asked my student if he enjoyed seeing a bunch of NFL Pro Bowl players on our campus for a Play 60 event. (1/27/16)

Quote of the Day (gum)

"C'mon, I'll trade you TWO sticks of gum for it." - Plea for a trade from a high school student to her peer who borrowed the last of the classroom set of calculators. (1/26/16)

Quote of the Day (elvish)

"Were you there that one time he started quoting Lord of the Rings in Elvish?" - Question from a high school student to his friend regarding one of their teachers. (12/11/15)

Quote of the Day (unexpected)

"Mister, math is fun when you know what you're doing." - Unexpected claim from a student who had been struggling, but finally started to get what was being taught. In a completely different class, another student asked, "Can we keep doing these by hand if we want to? This is kind of fun." after I taught the class how to solve systems of equations with three variables using the calculator. (1/22/16)

Quote of the Day (age)

Me: [some experience from college]
Student 1: "Wow, that must have been like when there were dinosaurs around." -
Me: [silence]
S1: "I'm sorry. It's OK though. I even tell Mr. Lau that he's old all the time."
Me: "What are you implying? Mr. Lau is younger than me."
(1/21/16)

Quote of the Day (juice)

"We call is 'Kahuku Juice', you know, because it's red." - Random comment from a high school student about his friends' new nickname for fruit punch. (1/20/16)

Quote of the Day (smell)

"Oh my gosh, that smells so good. What is that? Kalbi?" - Interruption in the middle of class after the smell of barbecue wafted in from across the street. (1/19/16)

Quote of the Day (scratch paper)

"Mister, do you just make copies of random stuff so you can give us scratch paper?" - Question from a high school student after she noticed that all the papers in my scratch paper box had printed items (from social studies, math, and other subjects) on one side. (1/15/16)

Quote of the Day (first name)

Student 1: "Mister, do you know what Mr. James' last name is?"
Me: "Uh...James"
Student 1: "What? Oh, sorry. I meant to ask if you knew what his first name is."
Student 2: "Hello!? His first name is Mister." (1/14/16)

Quote of the Day (black)

"Mister, are you being racist just because I'm wearing black?" - Accusation from a high school student after I called on her to answer a question that apparently she wasn't ready to answer. (1/13/16)

Quote of the Day (mountain)

"I would like to live at the top of a mountain so I could finally talk down on people." - Future plan from one of my shorter students. (1/12/16)

Quote of the Day (face)

"You can't face your problems if the problem is your face." - Contribution from a high school senior who kept talking about a profound quote she had recently found. (1/8/16)

Quote of the Day (easy)

"You were right; this is kind of easy." - Admission from a high school student who scoffed every time I told the class that the assigned problems would get easier the more they practiced them. (1/7/16)

Quote of the Day (haircut)

"Mister, you should let me cut your hair." - Comment from a  high school student after she showed off the haircut she gave her cousin over the break. (1/6/16)