Quote of the Day (chicken nugget)

 Student 1 [to his peers who were easily distracted from starting their project]: "Hey, guys. Hurry up. Let's start."

Student 2: "Yeah, c'mon. You guys are slower than a chicken nugget." (11/30/23)

Quote of the Day (SAT)

 Student: "Mister, I took the SAT once. I don't think you'd be happy with me."

Me: "Why?"

Student: "I did better on the English section than I did the math section."

Me [shrugging]: "That happens. I'm not disappointed with you."

Student: "Really? [starts laughing] I tried my best on the math section and got the worst score, but I didn't even try on the English section and got the best score." (11/8/23)

Quote of the Day (Pokemon Go)

 Student 1: "Mister, do you play Pokemon Go?"

Me: "No."

Student 1: "Why not? [teacher name] does it."

Me: "I'm not [teacher name]."

Student 1: Yeah, but [teacher name] is so cool because he plays it."

Student 2: "Wow! Are you saying that Mister Hwang is not cool?" (11/27/23)

Quote of the Day (dog)

 Student: "I was complaining about this class when this girl said that she lives up the street from you...and that you have a dog. You have a dog?"

Me: "Yes."

Student: "HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD US YOU HAVE A DOG!?" (11/27/23)

Quote of the Day (appendix)

 Student 1: "Do you want to hear my appendix pick up line?"

Student 2 [groaning]: "No. I already heard it, remember?"

Student 1 [to me]: "Mister, do you want to hear my appendix pick up line? I'm very proud of it."

Me [trepidatiously]: "Sure."

Student 1 [stands up straighter]: "Hey girl, are you my appendix? Because you make my stomach feel things, and I want to take you out."

Student 3 [shaking her head]: "No. Just no." (11/22/23)

Quote of the Day (math sandwich)

 Me: "So what buttons [on the calculator] would you push to get there?"

Student 1: "Math, Alpha, Math."

Me: 'Good."

Student 2: "Oh! That's like a math sandwich." (11/20/23)

Quote of the Day (table)

 Student 1: "I saw this video about people who were speed dating, and there was a butt on the table."

Student 2 [before Student 1 could finish]: "Whoa! What kind of videos are you watching?"

Student 1: "No. It just popped up."

Student 3 [before Student 1 could finish]: "Why would a butt pop up on the table?"

Student 1: "No, I meant the video just popped up on my feed. Wait, what kind of videos do you think I'm watching?"

Student 2: "Uh...I don't think you want to be talking about videos of butts in school."

Student 1: "Butts!? I said button. Button on the table." (11/17/23)

Quote of the Day (nemesis)

 Me: "Hey, I heard you were saying that I'm your nemesis."

Student: "What!? How did you find out? Who told you?"

Me: "So you're not denying it?"

Student: "No, wait!? That's not what I meant. Who told you?" (11/16/23)

Quote of the Day (Tongan)

 "I had a dream that I was Tongan." - Comment from a high school student to his friend during lunch. (11/15/23)

Quote of the Day (longest)

 Student 1 [enters the classroom]: "Oh yay! Mister is finally back."

Me: "Finally back? I was only gone for two days."

Student 2: "Yeah, but that's the longest you've been gone from class for the entire three years that you've been my teacher." (11/9/23)

Quote of the Day (abandon)

 Me [to Student in the stairwell as I'm walking to a meeting]: "Good morning."

Student: "Good morning...wait! Where are you going?"

Me: "To my meeting. I told you about this last week."

Student: "So you're abandoning us?" (11//7/23)

Quote of the Day (Thanksgiving)

 Student: "Mister, what's your favorite Thanksgiving food?"

Me [trying to get Student back on task]: "Nothing. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving."

Student [while her peers start laughing at my joke]: "You don't celebrate Thanksgiving?! Why not?"

Me: "Because...I'm not grateful for anything."

Student: "You're not grateful for like family or friends?"

Me [while more students are laughing at this spiraling conversation]: "Nope."

Student [a few minutes later after everyone had started their work]: "Do you really not celebrate Thanksgiving? I heard that grateful people are happier people."

Me [shaking my head]: "Nope. I'm miserable because you're not doing your work." (11/6/23)

Quote of the Day (pride)

 Student 1 [enters the classroom smiling]: "Mister, do you want to know what Student 2 just told me?"

Me: "What?"

Student 1: "She said that she was really proud of what she did in class today."

Me [trying to recall what Student 2 accomplished in class earlier in the day]: "What did she do? Was it because she actually turned in her work on time?"

Student 1 [laughing]: "Oh yeah, she did mention that. But it was about something else."

Me: "There was something else?"

Student 1: "Yeah, she said she got two more quotes up on the board!"

Me: "Oh...um...I don't think that's something to be proud of."

Student 1 [laughing again]: "That's what I told her, but she didn't listen." (11/2/23)

Quote of the Day (sunscreen)

 Student 1 [to Student 2]: "What did they give you for the honor roll [recognition] thingy?"

Student 2: "Huh? Oh, a melona bar."

Student 1: "Ooh! What flavor?"

Student 2 [shrugs]: "I don't know. By the time I went down, they only had white left."

Student 3 [who had been eavesdropping with me]: "Ew. That's the worst flavor."

Me [to Student 3]: "Why? What flavor is that?"

Student 3: "It's coconut. It tastes like sunscreen." (11/2/23)