Quote of the Day (grade check)

Student 1 [checking a notification on her phone]: “Whoa! I just got a text saying that all school sports seasons are cancelled.”
Student 2 [to Student 3 who was furiously trying to finish his assignments on the last day of the quarter]: “Student 3, you can stop working now.”
Student 3: “Huh? Why?”
Student 2: “You don’t have to worry about being on grade check anymore. Your season just got cancelled.” (3/13/20)

Quote of the Day (payment)

Student: “Mister, if I give you money, will you do something for me?”
Me: “Probably not.”
Student: “Why not?”
Me: “I’m not in a position to just take money from students.”

Student [several minutes later]: “Mister, so have you thought about my offer?”
Me: “You haven’t even told me what you would ask me to do, so the answer is no.”
Student: “Just hear me out...If I gave you $5 would you grow your hair out?” (3/12/20)

Quote of the Day (senior ditch day)

Student [a senior]: “I’m completely lost. I don’t know what’s going on.”
Me: “How come you didn’t come to class on Friday [the so-called Senior Ditch Day]?”
Student shrugs.
Me [shrugging back]: “Next time come to class or come get help after school.” (3/11/20)

Quote of the Day (outside)

"Ew. I don't know what I would do if I saw a teacher outside of school." - Comment from a high school junior after her friend said he felt embarrassed to see me at Taco Bell. Her friend failed to mention that the reason he was so embarrassed was because he saw me at Taco Bell just minutes after he made me stay late after school at the end of the semester to finish all his late work. (3/10/20)

Quote of the Day (crayola)

Student 1 [to Student 2]: “Ew! You’re going to get crayola.”
Me: “???”
Student 2 [recognizing my confusion]: “I accidentally called Corona crayola, and now Student 2 is making fun of me.” (3/9/20)

Quote of the Day (hate)

Students 1, 2, and 3 prattle on about how much they dislike a teacher.
Me: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why is everyone complaining about [teacher name] all of a sudden?”
Student 1: “Mister, I already told you what [teacher name] said about me, right?”
Me: “Yes, I remember.”
Student 2 starts complaining about the teacher’s looks.
Me: “OK, so you hate this teacher because of the way they look. That’s such a valid reason.”
Student 3: “You know what? I don’t really know why I hate [teacher name]. I guess it’s because everyone else doesn’t like [teacher name].”
Me: “So you just dislike them because everyone else does?”
Student 3: “You’re right. I guess I really don’t hate [teacher name].” (3/6/20)

Quote of the Day (facebook)

Student 1: “I can’t believe it. I just made a facebook.”
Student 2: “Why?”
Student 1: “It’s for my [sports team]. They all communicate with each other on there.”
Student 2: “Why facebook?”
Student 1: “I don’t know. I don’t like it...It makes me feel so old.” (3/3/20)

Quote of the Day (portrait)

Student 1 [giggling as she drew something on the board]: “Don’t look Mister.”
Student 1 [after completing a crude drawing of a monster labeled with her friend, Student 2’s name]: “Look Mister, I drew a self-portrait of Student 2!”
Student 2 [looks up from her work]: “WOW! Why did you draw such a thing? Wait! Why is my name on it?”
Me [to Student 1]: “You do realize that ‘self-portrait’ means you just drew yourself, right?”
Student 2 [laughing at Student 1]: “So is that supposed to be you?”
Student 1 [pointing to her drawing again]: “Look Mister, I drew a...PORTRAIT of Student 2.” (3/4/20)

Quote of the Day (phone)

Background: This student came into my classroom after school on Friday. He was flustered because he had misplaced his phone, and thought he left it in my classroom. He became more agitated when I told him I hadn’t seen it nor had anyone turned one in. Rather than walk to his other classes, I told him to use my phone to call the other teachers to try and catch them before they left for the weekend. After several calls with negative results, he gave up, thanked me for my help and left. When I saw him again on Monday...

Me: “Oh, hey. Did you find your phone?”
Student: “Huh? Oh...yeah. Thanks for your help.”
Me: “Where was it? Was it in [teacher’s room] like you suspected?”
Student: “Oh...no.”
Me [prompting him to elaborate]
Student [sheepishly]: “It was at the bottom of my bag.” (3/2/20)

Quote of the Day (1%)

Student: “Mister, I want to get my weight under 100 pounds.”
Me: “Why? Is this a prom thing so you can fit in a dress?”
Student: “No. If I weigh 99 pounds then eat a pound of nachos, then I’ll be 1% nachos.” (3/2/20)