Quote of the Day (math sandwich)

 Me: "So what buttons [on the calculator] would you push to get there?"

Student 1: "Math, Alpha, Math."

Me: 'Good."

Student 2: "Oh! That's like a math sandwich." (11/20/23)

Quote of the Day (table)

 Student 1: "I saw this video about people who were speed dating, and there was a butt on the table."

Student 2 [before Student 1 could finish]: "Whoa! What kind of videos are you watching?"

Student 1: "No. It just popped up."

Student 3 [before Student 1 could finish]: "Why would a butt pop up on the table?"

Student 1: "No, I meant the video just popped up on my feed. Wait, what kind of videos do you think I'm watching?"

Student 2: "Uh...I don't think you want to be talking about videos of butts in school."

Student 1: "Butts!? I said button. Button on the table." (11/17/23)

Quote of the Day (nemesis)

 Me: "Hey, I heard you were saying that I'm your nemesis."

Student: "What!? How did you find out? Who told you?"

Me: "So you're not denying it?"

Student: "No, wait!? That's not what I meant. Who told you?" (11/16/23)

Quote of the Day (Tongan)

 "I had a dream that I was Tongan." - Comment from a high school student to his friend during lunch. (11/15/23)

Quote of the Day (longest)

 Student 1 [enters the classroom]: "Oh yay! Mister is finally back."

Me: "Finally back? I was only gone for two days."

Student 2: "Yeah, but that's the longest you've been gone from class for the entire three years that you've been my teacher." (11/9/23)

Quote of the Day (abandon)

 Me [to Student in the stairwell as I'm walking to a meeting]: "Good morning."

Student: "Good morning...wait! Where are you going?"

Me: "To my meeting. I told you about this last week."

Student: "So you're abandoning us?" (11//7/23)

Quote of the Day (Thanksgiving)

 Student: "Mister, what's your favorite Thanksgiving food?"

Me [trying to get Student back on task]: "Nothing. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving."

Student [while her peers start laughing at my joke]: "You don't celebrate Thanksgiving?! Why not?"

Me: "Because...I'm not grateful for anything."

Student: "You're not grateful for like family or friends?"

Me [while more students are laughing at this spiraling conversation]: "Nope."

Student [a few minutes later after everyone had started their work]: "Do you really not celebrate Thanksgiving? I heard that grateful people are happier people."

Me [shaking my head]: "Nope. I'm miserable because you're not doing your work." (11/6/23)

Quote of the Day (pride)

 Student 1 [enters the classroom smiling]: "Mister, do you want to know what Student 2 just told me?"

Me: "What?"

Student 1: "She said that she was really proud of what she did in class today."

Me [trying to recall what Student 2 accomplished in class earlier in the day]: "What did she do? Was it because she actually turned in her work on time?"

Student 1 [laughing]: "Oh yeah, she did mention that. But it was about something else."

Me: "There was something else?"

Student 1: "Yeah, she said she got two more quotes up on the board!"

Me: "Oh...um...I don't think that's something to be proud of."

Student 1 [laughing again]: "That's what I told her, but she didn't listen." (11/2/23)

Quote of the Day (sunscreen)

 Student 1 [to Student 2]: "What did they give you for the honor roll [recognition] thingy?"

Student 2: "Huh? Oh, a melona bar."

Student 1: "Ooh! What flavor?"

Student 2 [shrugs]: "I don't know. By the time I went down, they only had white left."

Student 3 [who had been eavesdropping with me]: "Ew. That's the worst flavor."

Me [to Student 3]: "Why? What flavor is that?"

Student 3: "It's coconut. It tastes like sunscreen." (11/2/23)

Quote of the Day (hostage)

 Me [to 3 students racing to try and finish their exam after the bell rang for school to be over]: "Finish your last question and turn it in. I'd kinda like to go home, you know."

Student: "You can't. You're being held hostage by your students." (10/31/23)

Quote of the Day (administration)

 Student 1: "If you showed up [to the school's Halloween activity], they would've asked you to be in the dunking booth."

Me: "So it's good that I didn't go."

Student 1: "They should have had the principal do the dunking booth."

Student 2: "They should have had [vice principal name] do it."

Student 1: "No way. She scares me."

Student 2: "That's why they should have her do it."

Student 1: "It's scary how she just spawns out of nowhere and goes 'Do you have your pass?'" (10/30/23)

Quote of the Day (quotes)

 Student [in a hushed tone after class]: "Mister, I have a question. It's not math related."

Me: "Sure. What's up?"

Student [pointing to the quotes on the board]: "What are those for?"

Me: "The quotes?"

Student: "Yeah. I see them all the time, but I never know what it's for."

Me: "It's just funny stuff my students say in class."

Student: "Oh? Your students say that?"

Me [nodding]: "Yup. It's so random, right?"

Student [eyes widening and nodding in agreement]: "Yeah. They say some really weird stuff." (10/23/23)

Quote of the Day (egg)

  Student: "Mister. You were in my dream last night. You were a giant egg."

Me: "What? Was I teaching math as an egg?"

Student: "Yeah. You were a floating, talking egg." (10/20/23)

Quote of the Day (procrastination)

 Student [frantically trying to complete her work right before the deadline]: “Don’t worry Mister. I’m almost done. I promise I didn’t do this on purpose.”

Me: “Uh…I’m pretty sure you did.”

Student: “WHAT!? This is so stressful, why would I do this on purpose?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure, you’re the one who I talked to in class to get you to do your work and you looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘I don’t want to do my work right now. I’m procrastinating.’”

Student: “Oh…you’re right. I did say that.” (10/28/23)

Quote of the Day (complaint)

 Student [enters the classroom on the first day after Fall Break]: “Mister! I can’t complain about the stairs any more.”

Me: “Oh?”

Student: “Yeah. I realize they’re not that bad.”

Me: “What made you realize this?”

Student: “My cousins took me to hike Diamond Head over break…yeah, that’s way harder than climbing those stairs.” (10/16/23)

Quote of the Day (Jurassic Bark)

 Me [to Student 1 who was whistling a tune mindlessly in class]: "Jurassic Park?"

Student 1: "Huh?"

Me: "Jurassic Park? Are you whistling the theme from Jurassic Park?"

Student 1: "Oh, yeah. At first I thought I heard you say 'Jurassic Bark'."

Student 2 [laughing]: "Bro. Imagine a movie with giant dinosaur sized dogs chasing people."

Me: "I'd watch that. What would the reboots be called? Something that rhymes with 'world'."

Student 3: "Squirrel?"

Student 1 [laughing]: "Jurassic Squirrel? So then it would be giant dogs versus giant squirrels?"

Student 2 and me: "I would totally watch that." (10/6/23)

Quote of the Day (voice)

 Student [with a mischievous smile]: "Mister, what did your voice sound like before?"

Me: "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Student: "Do you have any recordings of what you sounded like before you lost your voice?"

Me: "Yes. Why are you asking?"

Student [smiling even wider]: "Can we hear it? I saw a picture of you when you had hair so I was wondering what it would've been like to see you with hair AND hear your normal voice." (10/5/23)

Quote of the Day (Android)

 At 8:20 in the middle of class, every student's cell phones begin blaring from a national test signal.

Student [as everyone around her scrambles to shut their phone notification off]: "Hey! Mine didn't go off."

Me [jokingly since two of her classmates sitting nearby have nearly the same phone]: "It's because you have an Android phone."

Student: "What!? Are you saying I'm going to die first since I won't get an alert since I have an Android phone?"

Me: "Whoa! That got dark. No, it just means that..."

Student's phone starts buzzing.

Student: "Oh, hey! I did get the alert. I guess I won't be dying after all." (10/4/23)

Quote of the Day (mission)

 Me: "Did your sister [a former student] serve a mission?"

Student: "Yeah. She just got back...this summer? last summer? just a few months ago."

Me: "She's back already!? Man, that was fast. Did she change a lot?"

Student: "Yeah. She's more...mature. Like she's not as mean."

Me [laughing]: "Was she mean before? I don't remember her being very immature."

Student: "She's more generous now. Before if I borrowed her clothes, she would yell at me. Now she's OK with it...sometimes. When she does get mad, I just tell her, 'You should go on another mission.'" (10/3/23)

Quote of the Day (possessed)

 Student [after sharpening her pencil]: "Why does your sharpener do that?"

Me: "Hm? Oh, you mean why does it still spin when you take out your pencil?"

Student: "Yeah. Shouldn't it stop when you take the pencil out."

Me: "Yeah, but it's been like that for years. I think the sensor that detects the pencil is broken."

Student: "I think it's just possessed." (10/2/23)