Quip of the Day

"They have to give you your money's worth." -- Grandma's wisecrack about why they cut my already bald father's hair so much shorter than he wanted.

Quote of the Day

"All I know is that they'll have their own reserved seat." -- A neighbor's smart remark about wheel chair access for an upcoming event.

Malapropism of the Day

"OK. OK. Hold your forces." - Angry older lady in the hospital who was irritated by the nurses trying to get her to sit up so she could take her meds. (6/17/10)

(Sarcastic) Quote of the Day

"Home sweet home." -- Grandma's snarky reaction as we returned from visiting a specialist and pulled back into the hospital parking lot for her 6th day of staying there under observation. (6/15/10)

"Fail" of the Day

"It doesn't work when you're too short." -- An 11 year-old trying to give me a "there-there" pat of sympathy on the head and could barely reach my shoulder. (6/11/10)

(Unchecked) Fact of the Day

"That's why they banned smoking by the beach in Australia." -- A stranger (from Australia) after noticing how many cigarette butts we were picking up during our beach clean-up. (6/11/10)

Explanation of the Day

"But I haven't worn a dress since I was 7!" -- One of the 11 year old Junior Ambassador's response to being forced to wear a dress for her presentation. (6/11/10)

Question of the Day

"Oh no. Is that going to be your Quote of the Day?" -- A friend's realization that what was said could be potentially published. (3/28/10)

(Inappropriate?) Quote of the Day

"Just let me live long enough to see my daughter who's coming to visit me next Thursday." -- Grandma's jokey way to address the serious Advance Directives (personal instructions for end-of-life situations) asked to her before entering the hospital as a precautionary measure. (6/9/10)

Contradiction of the Day

"If I could do half the things your grandma does when I'm 93...G**D*** hallelujah!" -- My neighbor's ode to my grandmother's health.

Interrogation of the Day

"Are you married or single?" -- One in a series of questions asked to me by a friend's father at lunch. (6/7/10)

Offer of the Day

"Mister, do you want a puppy?" -- A student's generous offer at the end of class as he was about to exit the room. (3/24/10)

Quote of the Day

"You cut it up? I just throw it right back over the hedge." -- Grandma's response when I told her that I cut up the large palm frond that fell from our neighbor's tree into our yard. (5/31/10)

Quote of the Day

 "They make those in male?" -- A friend's surprised response to my ability to multi-task. (3/16/10)

Quote of the Day

"You should feel threatened." -- A coworker's wisecrack after I told him I didn't know whether I should be complimented or insulted that he trusts me enough to give me extra work.

Number of the Day

"441" -- An older coworker's first paycheck he ever received. He followed that with, "At the time I thought money was falling out of the skies!"

Condition of the Day

"I have a condition too; it's called Lazy." -- Co-worker's comment upon overhearing someone say that they couldn't participate in the Great Aloha Run because of her "condition".

Question of the Day

"Who was the director of Jurassic Park...the second one?" -- Question asked to me in the middle of a lesson on linear equations. (No, I'm NOT teaching summer school; this is just one of the many unpublished quotes of the day that I will attempt to unload during the summer.)

Quote of the Day

"At least I'm not the only one" -- Comment from a friend who pointed out the only other person in the congregation fanning himself (with a book cover).

Prediction of the Day

"In four to five years, we won't be using text books anyway." -- Our superintendent commenting on the moratorium placed on text book purchases and the speed of technological innovation.