Mispronunciation of the Day

"Daniel, what does 'No sole-ticking' mean?" -- A friend's brother pointing to the No Soliciting sign in my window. (7/27/10)

Classic Quote of the Day #3

In honor of starting my fifth year of teaching, here are 5 of the most memorable quotes: "Yes mom...I MEAN 'MISTER'!" -- Slip from a student after I told him to stop talking.

Classic Quote of the Day #2

In honor of starting my fifth year of teaching, here are 5 of the most memorable quotes: "Mister, can I come over to your house after school and pick up that worksheet I'm missing?" -- Question from a student who meant to say "classroom" instead of "house"...I think.

Unknown Word of the Day

"I'm not a statistician or...how do you say, psycho-magician." -- Or at least that's the version I heard from one of today's presenters at our first meeting back from work. Anyone know what she was trying to say?

Classic Quote of the Day #1

In honor of starting my fifth year of teaching, here are 5 of the most memorable quotes: "That's never a good sign." -- A former co-worker's recollection of a student who showed up ready for class unaware that school actually started the next day.

Misunderstanding of the Day

"She told me that she wanted me to give the eulogy." -- My big-headed uncle's misinterpretation of grandma's telling him that the eulogy he gave at her sister's funeral was "Great. I could understand everything you said." to which she added after he left, "But it was SO long." (7/20/10)

Assumption of the Day

"Look! Those two are swimming toward each other, they must be mates." -- A friend who was observing the weevils I was drowning for infesting my rice.

Misunderstanding of the Day

"Whoa! Is that some kind of animal?" -- Mom's comment after hearing one of my ringtones. It was playing Eye of the Tiger. (6/19/10)

Quote of the Day

"I guess I can't die." -- My 80+ year old aunty after seeing how much it cost to pay for funeral services. (6/19/10)

Priority of the Day

"I'm gonna go outside and weed now since no one is around." -- My 80+ year old neighbor who is under strict orders by her children to not do any yard work because she has such a hard time going down the six steps from her house without assistance. (7/14/10)

Invitation of the Day

"Ugh! That smells awful! Daniel, you should try and smell it." -- A friend's initial reaction to smelling a stinkhorn fungus. (6/13/10)

(Untested) Quote of the Day

"Yes, I did. I never said WHICH end though." -- My old professor's recounting of what he said to a former student who stormed into his office and confronted him for telling him that "Getting married will be the end to all your problems."

Comparison of the Day

"Oh wow. Your brother looks like Shaq." -- Mom's (slightly dated) reference to my brother's height compared to some aunties in this picture.

Quip of the Day

"They have to give you your money's worth." -- Grandma's wisecrack about why they cut my already bald father's hair so much shorter than he wanted.

Quote of the Day

"All I know is that they'll have their own reserved seat." -- A neighbor's smart remark about wheel chair access for an upcoming event.

Malapropism of the Day

"OK. OK. Hold your forces." - Angry older lady in the hospital who was irritated by the nurses trying to get her to sit up so she could take her meds. (6/17/10)

(Sarcastic) Quote of the Day

"Home sweet home." -- Grandma's snarky reaction as we returned from visiting a specialist and pulled back into the hospital parking lot for her 6th day of staying there under observation. (6/15/10)

"Fail" of the Day

"It doesn't work when you're too short." -- An 11 year-old trying to give me a "there-there" pat of sympathy on the head and could barely reach my shoulder. (6/11/10)

(Unchecked) Fact of the Day

"That's why they banned smoking by the beach in Australia." -- A stranger (from Australia) after noticing how many cigarette butts we were picking up during our beach clean-up. (6/11/10)

Explanation of the Day

"But I haven't worn a dress since I was 7!" -- One of the 11 year old Junior Ambassador's response to being forced to wear a dress for her presentation. (6/11/10)