Student: "I hate our school sometimes."
Me [immediately on alert]: "What? Why?"
Student: "You saw that I had to give a presentation to all the seniors, right?"
Me: "Yeah."
Student: "Well, when I was speaking I would say 80, no, 90% of all the seniors were on their phones and weren't even listening to what we had to say." (9/4/24)
Student: "Mister, are you proud of where you live?"
Me: "Huh?"
Student: "You know, are you proud of where you live?"
Me: "What kind of question is that? Where is this coming from?"
Student: "Oh, um...it was an essay question for a scholarship I'm applying to."
Me: "So why are you asking me? Are you trying to get me to write your essay for you?"
Student [laughing]: "No. But are you proud of where you live? How would you answer that question?" (8/23/24)
Student 1 [after I told them about one of my first years teaching]: "I'm trying to picture you back then. Did you have hair?
Student 2 [eavesdropping]: "Wait, Mister! You had hair?"
Student 1: "I bet you had blonde hair."
Me: "What? Like bleach blonde hair?"
Student 1: "No, more like sandy blonde hair."
Student 2: "I still can't believe you had hair. My mind was not prepared for this." (8/20/24)
Me: “Last year, your sister said you were good at math.”
Student: “Yeah. I like math.”
Me: “Oh?”
Student [smiling]: “I do my math when I procrastinate my other homework.” (8/12/24)
Me [to Student who just moved to Hawaii]: “How was your first day of classes yesterday?”
Student [sighing]: “Good. I already got lost on campus.” (8/9/24)
Student 1 [looking over their schedule]: “It looks like maybe just periods 3 and 5.”
Student 2 [looking over their schedule]: “Maybe 4 and 5 are the only ones with babies for me.”
Me [confused]: “Babies? Was someone pregnant?”
Student 1 [smiling]: “No. We’re just trying to figure out which classes we have with 10th graders.”
Me [even more confused]: “But aren’t you…”
Student 2: “In eleventh grade? Yes, but 10th graders are so immature.” (8/8/24)
Student 1: "So Mister, if the solution doesn't exist, we can just put 'Does Not Exist'?"
Me: "Yes."
Student 2: "Oh, so 'DNA'?" (3/25/24)
Student 1: "Oh, I heard a good joke the other day. 'Why did Adele cross the road?'"
Student 2: "I don't know. Why?"
Student 1: "'To say hello from the other side.'"
Student 3: "Ugh. That was so...Do you get all your jokes exclusively from your dad?" (3/12/24)
Me [to the class]: "This morning, when I pulled into work, I could hear someone yelling at me. I look up and see Student 1 yelling at me and it's not even 7:30."
Student 1 [in a loud voice]: "Wow! I wasn't even yelling."
Student 2: "Were your windows down?"
Me: "No. My windows were up. My engine was running. I even had some music playing and I could still hear Student 1 yelling."
Student 1 [even louder]: "I wasn't even yelling!"
Student 3: "Yeah, Student 1's normal voice is yelling." (1/19/23)
Student 1: "I swear [teacher name] only gives you an A if you either have red hair or if you know their family."
Me: "If that's what you think, there's only one solution."
Student 1: "What's that?"
Me: "Dye your hair red."
Student 1: "But that wouldn't work. They already know this is my natural hair color."
Me [shaking my head]: "No, all you have to do is tell them..."
Student 2 [smiling as she knows what I'm about to say and finishes my sentence]: "All you have to do is tell them you've been dying your hair all this time and now your hair is read because you finally stopped." (1/17/24)
Student 1: "Mister, it's so cold today."
Student 2: "Yeah. It was so cold even this morning."
Student 1: "Yeah. It was so cold my lips were purple and my hands were going numb." (1/12/24)
Student 1 [seeing an older picture of me]: "Whoa, Mister! You had hair?"
Student 2: "Where?"
Student 1: "Up there on the board."
Student 2: "Whoa. I was not mentally prepared to see that." (1/11/23)
Student: "What does your dog do when you're not at home?"
Me: "I give her all your homework, and she just chews it up to shreds."
Student: "No, but really."
Me: "I don't know. She just waits for me to come back."
Student: "So nobody watches her? Like you don't have your mom come and watch her while you're gone?" (1/10/24)
Student 1's Friend: "Whoa! Is that your calculator?"
Student 2: "Yeah, that's the calculator that we use for this class?"
Student 1's Friend: "It looks like you can do a lot of stuff with this."
Student 1 [nodding]: "Uh-huh. That's the calculator that gets you babes." (12/18/23)
Student 1 [entering the class]: "Mister, you're back."
Me [acknowledging my absence from class yesterday]: "Yes. Was everything OK while I was gone?"
Student 1: "Ye...NO. MISTER! There was a really bad joke written on your board yesterday."
Me [fearing the worst]: "What!? Do I even want to know what it said?"
Student 1: "It said that you were actually on campus at room P-10."
Me [relieved]: "Oh, that's pretty cruel."
Student 1 "Yeah so me and Student 2 and Student 3 all went down there."
Me: "Oh no."
Student 1: "We knocked on the door and when it opened you weren't there!"
Me: "I know. I wasn't on campus at all yesterday."
Student 1: "But you know who was there? Mr. Lau! It was such a bad joke." (12/15/23)
Student 1: "Do you have a microwave?"
Me [puzzled]: "No, why?"
Student 1: "You seem like you're a 'secret microwave' kinda guy."
Student 2: "And a fridge." (12/13/23)
Student 1: "Mister, I feel sorry for you. Don't you feel lonely?"
Me: "What? Where did this come from?"
Student 1: "Because you told us that you're lonely."
Me: "No. I've never said that."
Student 2 [turns around to face Student 1]: "He said he doesn't have any kids. That's a big difference."
Student 3: "Yeah, Mister's not lonely. He has a dog."
Student 1: "Oh, is that what he said?"
Me: "I've never said to any of my students that I'm lonely."
Student 1: "Oh."
Student 3: "Student 1, I think you're projecting. Are YOU lonely? Do you need a friend?" (12/12/23)
Me [to Teacher after school]: "Do you know what happened to the dog that was in the stairwell this morning?"
Teacher: "No. Do you?"
Me: "No. I saw it in the stairwell this morning and called the office about it. Students said that it was gone by 2nd period."
Teacher: "Yeah, I gave him my lunch right before recess so I think he was pretty happy." (12/11/23)
Student 1: "Mister, where do you live?"
Students 2 & 3: "Whoa!" "That's a really personal thing to be asking!"
Student 1 [slightly embarrassed]: "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way."
Me: "It's OK."
Student 1 [before I could answer further]: "Sorry Mister, I won't ask you where you live. But hypothetically...if you were driving, how long would it take you to get home from here?" (12/8/23)
