Student 1: "Mister, can I step outside for a moment?"
Me [looking puzzled]: "Why? What's going on?"
Student 1 [rubbing his stomach in discomfort]: "I ate too much tomato sauce."
Me [looking more puzzled]: "Um..."
Student 2 [starts waving his hand in front of his face]: "Phew! I wish I was wearing a mask right now."
Me [connecting the dots]: "Sure. Go step outside if you need to." (8/12/22)
Student 1 [commenting on what Student 2 wears]: "I think I've only ever seen him in a t-shirt and shorts."
Student 2: "Yeah. I don't even own any long pants. Why would anyone need to own long pants in Hawaii?" (8/10/22)
Student [during class]: "I'm so hungry!"
Me: "Then stop looking at pictures of food on your phone."
Student [shows me a picture of a steak on her phone]: "But it looks so good! See!? Doesn't that look good?"
Me: "Stop! Now you're making me hungry."
Student: "See?! That makes you hungry, right? Now I'm really hungry."
Me: "If you're going to keep doing this to yourself, then at least stop complaining about how hungry you are." (8/10/22)
Background: Student swore he was done with math after my class last year. This morning I got an email from him requesting to add into my class (the next one in the sequence).
Me: "I thought you said you were done. Why the sudden interest in math?"
Student [in sincerity]: "Well, because you made it my favorite subject." (8/9/22)
Student 1 [entering the class out of breath]: "Whew. I hate those stairs."
Student 2 enters the class with a smile.
Student 1: "STUDENT 2! How can you be smiling after climbing those stairs? Why are you not out of breath when we're coming from the same class?" (8/8/22)
Me: "Ever since I moved away, I forgot all my Japanese."
Student [who just moved from Japan]: "I know. That's what I'm afraid of. Before if I wanted to practice I could just go outside to the nearest 7-11."
Me: "Ah. I miss コンビニ [Japanese convenience stores]."
Student: "ME TOO! That's why I'm never going to a 7-11 here." (8/5/22)
Student: "Mister, can I stay in here and work on stuff?"
Me: "Sure...wait, you already have work to do on the first day of school?"
Student: "Yeah...no. I mean, I'm working on my common app."
Me: "You're applying to colleges already?"
Student: "Yeah. I, you know, I just want to stay on top of things." (8/4/22)
Student [entering my class during recess]: “Mister, do you think I can reschedule my test?”
Me: “The one you scheduled for today after school?”
Student: “Yeah.”
Me: “Sure, you can just take it tomorrow when everyone else was scheduled to take it.”
Student: “That’s the thing. I won’t be at school tomorrow.”
Me: “And you cannot take it today after school?”
Student: “Yeah. I’m so sorry. Can I take it after school on Thursday?”
Me: “You mean you want to take it not only on the very last day of school but the very last couple of hours before my grades close?”
Student: “Yeah.”
Me [shrugging]: “OK, but there are no corrections or credit recovery once you’re done because it’s so late.”
Student [before hastily retreating]: “I understand. Thank you. See you on Thursday.” (5/23/22)
Here are a collection of random quotes from a fairly chaotic (graduation) day:
"How do you spell 'couch'?"
"There's still one student with missing assignments!? That's not me, is it?"
"Mister's class is the only one I would come back to campus to visit."
(5/19/22)
Student 1: “Oh, hey Mister, can you petition the school to move your class to the first floor?”
Me: “No. Why are you even asking? Your class before this is literally next door.”
Student 2: “Yeah, it’s nice to have class up here.”
Me: “Thank you Student 2.”
Student 1: “WHY!?”
Student 2: “It’s actually pretty quiet up here.” (5/17/22)
Student 1: “It’s so empty in here without the seniors. Look at all those empty seats.”
Student 2: “Ooh! Let’s go sit over there!”
Student 1: “Why?”
Student 2: “I want to see if that’s a good seat so I can pick it for next year.” (5/16/22)
Student 1 [who finished her test early and needed someone to bother]: “Mister, what’s your favorite movie?”
Me: “Recent or all-time?”
Student 1: “All-time.”
Me [with no hesitation]: “Shawshank Redemption.”
Student 1 & Student 2: “Huh?” “Ew”
Me: “Ew? You asked. Don’t criticize my answer.”
Student 1: “What is that movie? I’ve never even heard of it.”
Me [shakes my head in disappointment]: “It’s only a movie that’s in the…”
Student 2: “Oh! It’s the one with Denzel Washington in it, right?”
Me: “Denzel Washington!? No.”
Student 2 [starts laughing]: “Oh, I mean…what’s his name. Morgan Freeman.”
Me: “Yes. That’s the one.”
Student 2 [getting ahead of herself]: “And Tom Hanks.” (5/13/22)
Student [the same Student who realized the work was easier than he thought after he learned he had to score 100% on the exam to pass]: “It’s OK. I have two class periods to do this. That’s a hundred minutes, so an hour and a half.”
Me: “??? I mean, you’re right that you only have an hour and a half, but that’s because you only have 45 minutes per period.”
Student [a high school senior]: “Each class is only 45 minutes!?” (5/12/22)
Student [getting very sentimental as graduation approaches]: “Mister, I really hope you remember us in ten days.”
Me: “In ten days? Why? Am I going to get a concussion or something?”
Student: “Oh, no. I meant ten years. I hope you’ll remember us after ten years.” (5/11/22)
“Oh, this is not too bad. I guess I should have done this earlier.” - Overheard from a high school senior trying to complete all of his late work before the deadline. What was his motivation? Earlier, he learned that he needed to get a hundred percent on the last test of the year in order to pass the class. (5/10/22)
Student 1 [walks in and sees a giant bag of sliced pepperoni on Student 2’s desk]: “Why do you have so much pepperoni?”
Student 2: “Why not? Pepperoni is so good.” (5/9/22)
"The school should have beds somewhere on campus....ahhhhhhh." - Comment from a high school student who tiredly came into the class then collapsed onto his desk. (5/5/22)
Student 1 [trying to solve a rebus, a puzzle in which words are represented by combinations of pictures and individual letters]: "Circle horsing?"
Student 2: "What if that's a ring?"
Student 1: "OOH! Is it 'ring around the horsey'? I'm pretty sure I've heard that phrase before." (5/3/22)
Student 1 [trying to solve a rebus, a puzzle in which words are represented by combinations of pictures and individual letters]: “I can’t get this one.”
Student 2: “What is that? Is that ‘Tongan Cheek’?” (5/3/22)
Student 1 [looking at a member of the student body government who stopped by to pick something up from my class]: “Who is that?”
Student 2: “I don’t know, but he looks familiar. I know I’ve seen him somewhere before.”
Student 1: “Yeah, but where?”
Student 2: “Oh, he was in the student [video] bulletin that one time!” (5/2/22)
