Student [doing a review before our upcoming test]: "Mister, how do you do number 2?"
Me: "Check your notes."
Student [whining]: "I did, but I can't read them."
Me: "Try and figure it out since I can't read them for you when you take your test."
Student: "But it'd be so much easier if you just told me."
Me: "I did tell you."
Student: "What?"
Me: "Who helped you take those notes in the first place?" (11/16/22)
Student 1 [hearing the announcement of the start of our lockdown drill]: "Oh, is it starting?"
Student 2: "Yeah. Mister, do you want me to close the door?"
Student 3: "Can we hide under our desks?"
Me: "Yes, please."
Student 3: "Yay! Mister said we can hide under our desks."
Me: "No, I didn't."
Me [watching four fairly tall seniors rushing to try and fit under their desks]: "Never mind." (11/15/22)
Me [helping Student]: "And what are we supposed to do next?"
Student: "Huh? Oh, I'm sorry Mister."
Me: "Don't be sorry. I know it's hard after a long weekend, but you have to be able to look back and remember the things we've done."
Student: "Sorry. I think it's just...my brain is not braining." (11/14/22)
Student 1 [sheepishly]: "Mister, don't get mad. Were you at Taco Bell last night?"
Me: "No. It was probably some other Asian guy."
Student 1: "Are you sure?"
Student 2: "Why would Mister NOT be sure if he was at Taco Bell last night?"
Side note: the conversation went on for a bit longer. Student 1 later described the guy he thought was me as short and with a weird hairdo.
(11/10/22)
Student 1 [to Student 2]: "What time are [basketball] tryouts again?"
Student 2: "I think it's like 5:00 to 7:00."
Me: "I thought it was 5:30 to 7:30."
Student 1: "Wait, how do you know what time tryouts are?"
Student 2: "I think that's right."
Me: "Because, I read the bulleti..."
Student 1 [gasping]: "Maybe Mister is the assistant coach!"
Student 2 [laughing]: "Nah, nah. He'd be the statistics guy."
Me: "You don't need a statistician to tell you that when you shoot 0-4 that you're shooting zero percent." (11/7/22)
Student [at the end of class]: "Mister, does anyone else use this calculator?"
Me: "Look at the list for 5th period. Wait, why are you asking?
Student [with a mischievous smile]: "Because."
When I turned on the calculator, I saw this:
(11/3/22)
After watching a video of a sports anchor doing a silly power ranking of Halloween candies, the crew in my class during lunch started making their own list.
Student 1: "Sour Patch Kids has to go on the best candy list."
Student 2: "Ooh, what about skittles?"
Student 1: "Yes, but the tropical ones, not the normal ones."
Student 3: "Put normal skittles on the worst candy list."
The list begins growing quickly with suggestions coming in as fast as I could type.
"Twix", "Gummy bears", "pop rocks", "100 Grand"
Student 3: "Taco Bell condiment packet."
Student 1 and Student 2: "WHAT!?"
Student 3: "Yeah, someone on my street was handing them out on Halloween." (11/2/22)
Student 1 [to Student 2]: "Hey Student 2, do you have a food truck?"
Me: "Wait, Student 2, you have a food truck and I didn't know about it?"
Student 2 [confused]: "Huh? No. I don't have a food truck. Why?"
Student 1: "Someone was talking about you and mentioned your food truck. Do you work at a food truck?"
Student 2: "No. I don't have anything to do with a food truck. Where did this come from?" (11/1/22)
Student 1: "Mister, are you going trick-or-treating?"
Student 2 [before I could respond]: "No. He's going trick-or-grading." (10/31/22)
Student 1 walks into class even though she said she would be gone for a field trip.
Me: "I thought you said you were going to be gone."
Student 1: "I know. It's just...I just have so much stuff to catch up on that I can't afford to miss another day of class."
Student 2 [after overhearing Student 1's reason for skipping a field trip]: "OK. That just makes me feel so much better."
Me: "What, that Student 1 has to catch up on stuff?"
Student 2: "YES! Because if Student 1 is struggling to keep up then it must mean this class is so hard and would explain why I can't keep up too." (10/27/22)
Student 1 [observing the absence of several students]: "Man, I don't know how anyone can miss school."
Student 2: "I know, right? Especially math class. If I miss just ONE math class, I feel like I'm behind for the whole L..."
Student 1 [completing Student 2's sentence]: "LIFE! I miss one math class, and I feel like I'm catching up my whole life."
Student 2: "Um. OK. I was going to say that I feel so behind for the whole lesson, but that works too." (10/26/22)
Student 1 [grinning as she enters the class]: "Mister, I have a quote for you."
Me: "Oh? Is this something you said?"
Student 1: "No, but it's something one of your students said this morning."
Me [highly intrigued]: "Go on."
Student 1 [struggling to hold in the laughter]: "So your student said, 'Jesus probably had a mullet.'"
Me: "Wait! What? What is the context of this?"
Apparently a student expressed his desire to get a mullet haircut but complained that his mom wouldn't let him. As a way to help justify getting a mullet, my student said the aforementioned quote. (10/25/22)
Student [at the end of class]: "Yeah! First time I'm finishing my work on time."
Me: "I'm glad. I was worried that you were going to fall behind."
Student: "Why? Because I was sick for the last few days?"
Me: "Yeah. I'm glad you are caught up."
Student: "I know, right? Maybe I should be sick more often." (10/24/22)
Student 1 & Student 2 having a heated discussion at the beginning of class.
Student 1: "No. That's not what she said!"
Me: "What's going on here?"
Student 1: "A girl talked to Student 2 in our class, and Student 2 messed it up."
Student 2: "This girl told me that I smile too much."
Student 1: "No. That's not what she said. She said, 'You're always smiling.'"
Student 2: "Which means she thinks I smile too much."
Student 1 [getting frustrated]: "NO! She meant it as a compliment, like 'Your smile is cute.'"
Me [to Student 2]: "So what did you do when she told you this?"
Student 2: "I stopped smiling." (10/21/22)
Student [running through the campus parking lot after school for cross country]: "Hey Mister, come join us!"
Me [shaking my head]: "No thanks."
Student: "C'mon! Just one lap!" (10/20/22)
Student 1: "Poke and rice sounds so good right now."
Student 2: "Would you ever eat poke with brown rice?"
Student 1: "What!? Ew. No. Brown rice was probably made by Joe Biden." (10/19/22)
Student 1: "Hey Mister, is [Student 2] your favorite student?"
Me: "What? No. Not at all."
Student 1 and Student 3 [turning to face each other]: "WHOA!"
Student 3: "Did you see how fast he answered that?"
Student 1: "I know, right? No hesitation. Mister must really hate Student 2." (10/17/22)
Student 1 [to Student 2]: "Who did you have [for math] last year?"
Student 2: "I had [teacher name]. I loved that class. It was so much easier than this one." (10/17/22)
Student [55 minutes after school ended]: "OK, here's my work."
Me [pointing to the clock]: "This is your second time making me wait for your late work on a Friday. Make sure this doesn't happen again."
Student: "I know. It's because I couldn't finish the work in class."
Me: "Is that a problem? Am I not giving you enough time in class to complete it?"
Student: "No. It's because I took a nap in class and had to work extra hard to catch up." (10/14/22)
Student [looking out the window at the band students practicing nearby]: "Mister, were you in band?"
Me: "No. Why?"
Student: "Because you look like you would've been in band." (10/13/22)
