Me [to Student 1 who I asked to record the number of times Student 2 yawns during class]: "So what's the count so far today?"
Student 1: "Six."
Student 2: "No, that last one doesn't count! I was just stretching."
Student 1 [to me]: "I'm pretty sure that was a yawn. She just noticed that I was counting so she pulled up her mask so it's harder for me to count." (9/1/23)
Me [after answering general questions about my classroom procedures]: "If you have any questions, please let me know."
Student [raising his hand then pointing to a box in a corner on the opposite side of the room]: "Mister, does that box still have chips in it?"
Me: "???"
Student: "Oh, I'm just hungry so I wanted to know if the box had some food in it or not." (8/29/23)
"It was packed. Every class was large, and you had to push through a crowd in the hallway just to get to your next class. I think that's why I like it here because it's more laid back and not like my old school." - Comment from a high school student who just moved here from a school that had over 3,000 students. (8/30/23)
Me: "I'll let you pick your seats on Wednesday, so come in and sit where you want and that'll be your new assigned seat."
Student 1 [to the class]: "I'm going to pick this seat. No one take that seat."
Me: "It's first come, first served so anyone can take any seat as long as it's empty."
Student 1 [to the class]: "But nobody take that seat, OK?"
Me: "OK, ten extra credit points for anyone who takes that seat."
Student 1: "MISTER! We've only been in school for two weeks, why you gotta do me like that?"
Student 2 [raises her hand]: "Are you being serious? Because I really need the extra credit." (8/25/23)
Student: "Hey Mister, what do you get when you have a chicken looking at some lettuce?"
Me: "I don't know. What?"
Student: "A chicken sees a salad." (8/28/23)
Student 1's Parent [during Open House]: "Student 1 didn't do as good as she wanted in her class last year."
Student 1's Other Parent: "I can't remember the teacher's name now."
Me: "It doesn't matter. I don't need to know."
Student 1's Parent uses his hand to approximate the teacher's height then flexes.
Student 2 [who was also in the room for Open House]: "Ooh! [Teacher Name]!"
Student 1's Parent [smiling] : "Yes! That's what it was!" (8/23/23)
Student 1 [entering the classroom]: "Hey! I'm the first one here."
Student 2: "Yeah, but you're not even Mister's student so you don't count. So I'm the first one here."
Me: "Ahem. I think I was here before both of you."
Student 1: "Yeah, but you don't count."
Student 2: "Yeah, do you ever leave?"
Student 1: "Ha ha. I bet Mister lives here in his classroom." (8/24/23)
Student 1: "Mister, who do you think you could beat?"
Me: "Huh?"
Student 2: "You know like in a fight with another teacher?"
Me: "Nobody. Where is this coming from?"
Student 1: "We were thinking of fund-raising ideas, and we thought about a fight in a ring between two teachers."
Student 2: "Yeah, so who do you think you could beat?"
Student 1: "I bet he would fight Mr. Lau."
Student 3: "Oh, I would pay big money to see that." (8/24/23)
Student [proclaims as he enters the classroom during lunch]: "I feel very discriminated against."
Me: "What now?"
Student [holding up his milk carton]: "School lunch is discriminatory against people who are lactose intolerant." (8/23/23)
Student 1: "Mister, guess who came to campus yesterday?"
Me: "I don't know. Who?"
Student 1: "Student 2!"
Me: "Student 2? What's she doing now that she's graduated?"
Student 1: "She's going up for school on Wednesday. She and a few seniors came to campus to say hi to [teacher name]."
Me: "That's nice."
Student 1: "Yeah, and I was the only junior there...oh wait, they're not seniors. They already graduated. Oh gosh, that means I'm a senior now." (8/22/23)
Student 1 [to Student 2]: "If I had left just a minute or two later, I would've gotten caught in the rain."
Student 2: "Me too. I'm so glad I didn't wait for my brother."
Student 1: "Oh, did he get caught in the rain?"
Student 2: "SOAKED. In fact, my mom called me when it started getting heavy to see if I knew where he was on his way to school."
Student 1: "What did you tell her?"
Student 2: "I told her I don't know where he is, but he's in character development right now." (8/16/23)
Student 1 [looking at a picture on the board]: "Is that the Eiffel Tower?"
Student 2: "No, this is supposed to be London. The Eiffel Tower is in France."
Student 3: "Wait! Did you just say the iPhone tower came from France?" (8/15/23)
Student 1: "Hey Mister, did [Student 3] ever tell you that he found your YouTube channel?"
Me: "No."
Student 2: "Does he watch any of Mister's videos?"
Student 1: "Sometimes. Mostly he just wants to know what Mister is up to." (8/10/23)
Student 1: "Mister, do you celebrate today?"
Student 2 smirks as he watches and listens closely for my response.
Me [knowing that Student 1 is asking about four-twenty]: "Whose birthday is it?"
Student 1: "No! It's not a birthday."
Me: "So is it a holiday?"
Student 1 [getting frustrated that I'm not playing along]: "No. You know what day it is."
Me: "Sure. It's one-fifth day. I already celebrated on January 5th."
Student 1 thinks about it and starts laughing.
Student 2: "What? What are you guys talking about...ohhhhhhhh. Leave it to Mister to make this into a math joke." (4/20/23)
Student 1 begins complaining about how it smells like someone peed in the stairwell right by my class (Y-Building).
Student 2: "Yeah. I didn't want to walk by it again so I walked all the way to W-Building to come upstairs."
Student 3: "They should just call this P-Building already." (4/14/23)
Student 1 walks into class after being absent the last few days.
Student 2 and Student 3: "Hey!" "Student 1 is back."
Student 4: "Where were you?"
Student 1: "I was sick."
Student 4 [jokingly]: "Did you have COVID?"
Student 1: "No, I tested positive."
Students 2, 3, and 4 all recoil and keep their distance.
Student 1 [looking around]: "What?"
Student 2: "Why are you at school if you have COVID?"
Student 1: "I don't have COVID."
Student 3: "But you said you tested positive."
Student 1 [thinks and finally realizes]: "Yeah, doesn't it mean you don't have...oh, never mind. I meant to say I tested negative. I just got my signs mixed up." (4/10/22)
Me [to Student 1]: “Can you believe we’re at the end of March already?”
Student 1: “Yeah. That means tomorrow [Saturday] is April Fools Day.”
Student 2 [walks by and hears only part of the conversation]: “Tomorrow’s April Fools Day? Oh, I’m totally skipping school tomorrow.” (3/31/23)
Student [calls me over during lunch]: "Mister, what do you think I should get? This Lego Batman Tumbler looks pretty sweet, right? Or should I get some AirPods Pro?"
Me [wondering why I'm being asked for my opinion]: "Um..."
Student [shows me another Lego set]: "My parents got this set for me for Christmas. Me and my dad had a lot of fun putting it together over the break."
Me: "Are you sure you want my opinion?"
Student: "Yeah. That's why I asked."
Me: "I'm going to give you my old-man opinion then. I'd get the Lego set. At my age, I would kill to be able to spend more time with my dad, but I can't because we live so far apart. So, yeah. I would say you should get the Lego set and build it with your dad before you graduate."
Student: "I think you're right. Maybe I'll get the Batman Tumbler set instead of the AirPods Pro then." (3/22/23)
Me (to Student 1 who was eating Cheetos instead of his usual snack): "What? No Munchies today?"
Student 1: "No. They're all gone."
Me: "But you're eating Cheetos so..."
Student 1: "You're right. They're a subset of Munchies."
Student 2: "Geez, you're such a nerd."
Student 1: "If Munchies were the Avengers then Cheetos would be like Iron Man." (3/21/23)
Student 1 [enters the class]: "Mister, where's the nearest open bathroom?"
Me: "I don't kn..."
Student 2: "Right there. Mister's rubbish can." (3/6/23)
