Quote of the Day (first day)

 Me [to Student who just moved to Hawaii]: “How was your first day of classes yesterday?”

Student [sighing]: “Good. I already got lost on campus.” (8/9/24)

Quote of the Day (babies)

 Student 1 [looking over their schedule]: “It looks like maybe just periods 3 and 5.”

Student 2 [looking over their schedule]: “Maybe 4 and 5 are the only ones with babies for me.”

Me [confused]: “Babies? Was someone pregnant?”

Student 1 [smiling]: “No. We’re just trying to figure out which classes we have with 10th graders.”

Me [even more confused]: “But aren’t you…”

Student 2: “In eleventh grade? Yes, but 10th graders are so immature.” (8/8/24)

Quote of the Day (DNA)

 Student 1: "So Mister, if the solution doesn't exist, we can just put 'Does Not Exist'?"

Me: "Yes."

Student 2: "Oh, so 'DNA'?" (3/25/24)

Quote of the Day (jokes)

 Student 1: "Oh, I heard a good joke the other day. 'Why did Adele cross the road?'"

Student 2: "I don't know. Why?"

Student 1: "'To say hello from the other side.'"

Student 3: "Ugh. That was so...Do you get all your jokes exclusively from your dad?" (3/12/24)

Quote of the Day (quiet)

 Me [to the class]: "This morning, when I pulled into work, I could hear someone yelling at me. I look up and see Student 1 yelling at me and it's not even 7:30."

Student 1 [in a loud voice]: "Wow! I wasn't even yelling."

Student 2: "Were your windows down?"

Me: "No. My windows were up. My engine was running. I even had some music playing and I could still hear Student 1 yelling."

Student 1 [even louder]: "I wasn't even yelling!"

Student 3: "Yeah, Student 1's normal voice is yelling." (1/19/23)

Quote of the Day (red hair)

 Student 1: "I swear [teacher name] only gives you an A if you either have red hair or if you know their family."

Me: "If that's what you think, there's only one solution."

Student 1: "What's that?"

Me: "Dye your hair red."

Student 1: "But that wouldn't work. They already know this is my natural hair color."

Me [shaking my head]: "No, all you have to do is tell them..."

Student 2 [smiling as she knows what I'm about to say and finishes my sentence]: "All you have to do is tell them you've been dying your hair all this time and now your hair is read because you finally stopped." (1/17/24)

Quote of the Day (cold)

 Student 1: "Mister, it's so cold today."

Student 2: "Yeah. It was so cold even this morning."

Student 1: "Yeah. It was so cold my lips were purple and my hands were going numb." (1/12/24)

Quote of the Day (hair)

 Student 1 [seeing an older picture of me]: "Whoa, Mister! You had hair?"

Student 2: "Where?"

Student 1: "Up there on the board."

Student 2: "Whoa. I was not mentally prepared to see that." (1/11/23)

Quote of the Day (dog)

 Student: "What does your dog do when you're not at home?"

Me: "I give her all your homework, and she just chews it up to shreds."

Student: "No, but really."

Me: "I don't know. She just waits for me to come back."

Student: "So nobody watches her? Like you don't have your mom come and watch her while you're gone?" (1/10/24)

Quote of the Day (calculator)

 Student 1's Friend: "Whoa! Is that your calculator?"

Student 2: "Yeah, that's the calculator that we use for this class?"

Student 1's Friend: "It looks like you can do a lot of stuff with this."

Student 1 [nodding]: "Uh-huh. That's the calculator that gets you babes." (12/18/23)

Quote of the Day (P-10)

 Student 1 [entering the class]: "Mister, you're back."

Me [acknowledging my absence from class yesterday]: "Yes. Was everything OK while I was gone?"

Student 1: "Ye...NO. MISTER! There was a really bad joke written on your board yesterday."

Me [fearing the worst]: "What!? Do I even want to know what it said?"

Student 1: "It said that you were actually on campus at room P-10."

Me [relieved]: "Oh, that's pretty cruel."

Student 1 "Yeah so me and Student 2 and Student 3 all went down there."

Me: "Oh no."

Student 1: "We knocked on the door and when it opened you weren't there!"

Me: "I know. I wasn't on campus at all yesterday."

Student 1: "But you know who was there? Mr. Lau! It was such a bad joke." (12/15/23)

Quote of the Day (microwave)

 Student 1: "Do you have a microwave?"

Me [puzzled]: "No, why?"

Student 1: "You seem like you're a 'secret microwave' kinda guy."

Student 2: "And a fridge." (12/13/23)

Quote of the Day (lonely)

 Student 1: "Mister, I feel sorry for you. Don't you feel lonely?"

Me: "What? Where did this come from?"

Student 1: "Because you told us that you're lonely."

Me: "No. I've never said that."

Student 2 [turns around to face Student 1]: "He said he doesn't have any kids. That's a big difference."

Student 3: "Yeah, Mister's not lonely. He has a dog."

Student 1: "Oh, is that what he said?"

Me: "I've never said to any of my students that I'm lonely."

Student 1: "Oh."

Student 3: "Student 1, I think you're projecting. Are YOU lonely? Do you need a friend?" (12/12/23)

Quote of the Day (dog)

 Me [to Teacher after school]: "Do you know what happened to the dog that was in the stairwell this morning?"

Teacher: "No. Do you?"

Me: "No. I saw it in the stairwell this morning and called the office about it. Students said that it was gone by 2nd period."

Teacher: "Yeah, I gave him my lunch right before recess so I think he was pretty happy." (12/11/23)

Quote of the Day (nosey)

 Student 1: "Mister, where do you live?"

Students 2 & 3: "Whoa!" "That's a really personal thing to be asking!"

Student 1 [slightly embarrassed]: "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

Me: "It's OK."

Student 1 [before I could answer further]: "Sorry Mister, I won't ask you where you live. But hypothetically...if you were driving, how long would it take you to get home from here?" (12/8/23)

Quote of the Day (top 3)

 Student 1: "My top three teachers are... [teachers' names]."

Student 2: "Mmm. Yeah, I would agree except I like [teacher name] too."

Student 1: "Wait, is it racist that two of my top three teachers are Asian?" (12/7/23)

Quote of the Day (toes)

 Student 1 [to me]: "My quote book has three more entries just from this class."

Me: "Three!?"

Student 1 [opens the notes app in her phone and points to Student 2]: "This guy said, 'My toes are built.'"

Me [looking at Student 2's toes]: "They are?"

Student 2 [immediately pulling his feet under his chair]: "Mister! Stop proofreading my toes!"

Student 1 [looks at me, smiles then starts typing into her phone]: "FOUR!" (12/5/23)

Quote of the Day (friends)

 Student 1 [after talking with Student 2 about prom]: "Mister, do you have any prom pictures?"

Me [pointing to the wall of prom pictures from my former and current students]: "Sure."

Student 1: "No. I mean from when you were in high school."

Me: "No."

Student 1: "Why not? Do you have any friends?" (12/5/23)

Quote of the Day (lockdown drill)

[Trigger warning. Don't read this if you're sensitive about threats to schools] 

Student 1 [reading my announcements on the board]: "Wait, there's a lockdown drill today?"

Me: "Yes."

Student 1: "What a waste of time!"

Me: "What?"

Student 2: "Don't say that. What if there's an actual shooter on campus?"

Student 1 [smiling]: "C'mon, school shooters are crazy, but no shooter is crazy enough to climb up to the third floor." (12/4/23)

Quote of the Day (Machu Pichu)

 Student 1 [looking at the picture that another student drew of Mt. Everest with my class at the top]: "That's Mister's class right there."

Student 2: "Yeah, the air is thinner up here."

Student 1: "It's so far from everything. It's like Machu Picchu."

Student 2 [who knows I like to hike]: "Mister! Have you ever been to Machu Picchu."

Me: "No. I don't want to."

Student 2: "Why not?"

Me: "Why would I want to go there when I can just come to this classroom?" (12/1/23)