Quote of the Day (snacks)

Me: “How was the ACT yesterday?”
Student: “It was OK. Our snack break was too short...or at least I thought it was.”
Me: “Did they [the school] provide any snacks or did you have to bring your own?”
Student: “We had to bring our own...then Miss [the proctor] started asking us for food. I was like, ‘Slow Down! We’re not even friends.’” (2/28/18)

Quote of the Day (squirrel)

 “Did you just say ‘squirrel of twenty-five’?” - Question from from a high school student to his friend who was helping him with some problems involving square roots. (2/26/18)

Quote of the Day (dad)

Student 1: “I see Mister walking his dad down my street.”
Student 2: “Walking his dad?”
Student 1: “Psh! I meant walking his dog.”
(2/26/18)

Quote of the Day (lockdown)

Student: “Mister, did you hear that [teacher’s name] almost hit [administrator’s name]?”
Me: “What? Hit? As in with a car?”
Student: “No with a pole.”
Me: “???”
Student: “During the lockdown drill, [administrator] came into our classroom and [teacher] thought it was an intruder so he almost hit her.”
It turns out, administration couldn’t get a hold of the teacher to inform him that the drill was over so an administrator was sent to communicate its conclusion. She had tried to yell through the door but got no response so she used a key to open the door much to the surprise of the teacher. (2/22/18)

Quote of the Day (instigator)

Student 1: “Instigator? What does that mean?”
Student 2: “It’s someone who starts things. You know, causes trouble.”
Student 1: “Oh, now it makes sense why my mom calls me that.” (2/22/18)

Quote of the Day (Voldemort)

Student: “What was the name of the Asian teacher that looks like you?”
Me: “Don’t!”
Student: “Argh! What was his name?
Me [to other smiling students around him]: “Don’t mention his name.”
Student: “...Voldemort!” (2/21/18)

Quote of the Day (DIY)

Student 1: “You could just DIY it. DIY? No, DYI. You know what I’m saying, right?”
Student 2: “DYI? Do Yourself It? I’m pretty sure you mean DIY.”
Student 1: “No, DYI. Do Your... Ish.” (2/16/18)

Quote of the Day (eating)

Student [during lunch]: “Mister, I can hear you eating.”
Me: “And?”
Student: “And...and I’m hungry.” (2/15/18)

Quote of the Day (mess)

Student 1 reads an alert about a school shooting in Florida.
Student 2: “Man, Florida is so messed up.”
Student 3: “Our whole country is messed up. This happens way too often.”
(2/14/18)

Quote of the Day (environment)

Student 1 [talking about registration]: "You should take Environmental Science."
Student 2 [pauses to think]: "Nah. I don't care about the environment." (2/13/18)

Quote of the Day (box)

Student 2 [after congratulating Student 1 as he entered the room]: “Mister, did you hear about what [Student 1’s name] did at lunch?”
I had already heard that Student 1 asked a girl to prom by hiding in a box on the stage in the cafeteria during lunch.
Student 3: “I have video of him coming out of the box with the flowers and balloons! Do you want to see it?”
Student 4: “[Student 1], you just raised the bar for how every girl wants to be asked to prom.”
Student 1 [several minutes later]: “Mister, it was really hot in the box; I’m feeling a little light-headed. Can I go to the health room?” (2/9/18)

Quote of the Day (registration)

“The lady in the office just signed me up for your AP Calculus class next year. She even signed where you were supposed to sign it? Can she just do that?” - Comment from a high school student. She continued, “So if I fail your class, it’ll be her fault.” (2/8/18)

Quote of the Day (learning)

“Oh my gosh! I learn so much in this class!” - Exclamation from a student in the middle of class. I had just shown her how to use 2 fingers to scroll after she had voiced her frustration at how tiny the scroll bar was on certain websites on her computer. (2/6/18)

Quote of the Day (fruit snacks)

Student [before school started]: “Mister, I came in here to check my gra...OOH! Can I have a fruit snack?”
(Same) Student [about an hour and a half later during a class break]: “I came to see if you still had fruit snacks.” (2/6/18)

Quote of the Day (bets)

Student:  “Mister, I don’t know if [student’s name] is coming to school today.”
Me: “Why? Is he sick?”
Student: “No. It’s because he bet so many people that the Patriots would win the Super Bowl.” (2/5/18)

Quote of the Day (donuts)

Student 1 [throwing something away]: “Hey, there’s a donut box in here! Who had donuts?”
Student 2: “Oh, that was mine. Me and [friend’s name] ate the whole thing.”
Student 1: “You didn’t save one for me!?!?”
Me: “Yeah, where’s mine?”
Student 2: “You couldn’t eat them; they had chocolate frosting.”
[about an hour later]
Student 2 [seen struggling while running for a PE class]: “Mister! I shouldn’t have had all those donuts.” (2/2/18)

Quote of the Day (prom)

Student 1: “You have to stop asking me to help you find a prom date.”
Student 2: “Why? I need your help?”
Student 1: “If you don’t stop begging, I’m going to write ‘I need a prom date’ on a post-it note and paste it on your backpack.” (2/1/18)

Quote of the Day (Halloween)

“You should dress up as Mr. Lau for Halloween.” - Suggestion from a high school student who revels in the fact that people mistake me for her favorite teacher. She continued, “And he can dress up as you!” (1/31/18)

Quote of the Day (fake)

Student: “Mister, [friend’s name] asked me if that was your real voice.”
Me: “And what did you say?”
Student: “I said that it’s been like that for the whole year. You know what she said?”
Me: “No, what did she say?”
Student: “She said it sounded fake.” (1/30/18)

Quote of the Day (doppelgänger)

Student 1: “Mister, when I tried to type in your email address, it said you didn’t exist.”
Me: “I didn’t exist or my email address didn’t exist?”
Student 2: “What!? Mister is fake? Maybe you have a ‘dope-ganger’. Is that what they call it?”
Student 1: “I think you mean a ‘doppel-gangster’.”
Me: “Doppelgänger?”
Student 1: “Yeah! See, I was right.”
(1/29/18)