Student: "I dunno. If I were rich, I think I would buy a nice watch."
Me: "A watch?"
Student: "Yeah. Oh! Over the summer I went to the Rolex store in Ala Moana, and they let me try on one of the watches. Guess how much it cost!"
Me [shrugs]: "I don't know. Five hundred?"
Student: "No. The watch cost $7,000! And they actually let me try it on. I think I would buy that watch if I were rich." (9/14/22)
Background: I have a policy where students in my upper level class must do 10 practice problems for every question that they miss on an exam if they fail. The emphasis is on learning fundamental concepts early and learning from mistakes so future lessons won't be as difficult.
Student 1 [submits test and checks their score]: "Yes!"
Student 2: "What did you get?"
Student 1: "A 61%. Barely passed. I don't have to do any practice problems."
Student 3 [submits test and checks their score]: "Whew! I made it. 64%"
Student 2: "Oh man, I'm nervous."
Student 4 [after checking their score]: "OK, I thought I would fail. I did pretty good."
Student 2: "What did you get?"
Student 4 [proudly]: "68%."
Student 2: "I've never seen so many people so happy to get a score in the 60's." (9/13/22)
Student 1: "Man, I have a bad knee. My back is messed up. And I think I'm dyslexic."
Student 2: "Wait! You're dyslexic? Do you have trouble reading?"
Student 1: "No, not exactly. I have trouble hearing."
Student 2: "Isn't that being deaf?"
Student 1: "No. It's like being dyslexic."
Me and Student 2: "???"
Student 1: "It's like what I hear and what is being said are not the same thing."
Student 2: "That makes no sense, but OK. You're just a walking disability." (9/9/22)
Student: "Mister, I don't think I can do any work today."
Me: "Oh? What's wrong?"
Student: "Yeah, the Queen just passed away."
Me: "Oh. I didn't realize you were so close."
Student: "Me and Aunt Lizzy were super close."
Me [walking away]: "I'm sorry for your loss." (9/8/22)
Me [to Student]: "So yesterday, your sister sh..."
Student [rolling her eyes]: "Oh no!"
Me: "Whoa! What did I say?"
Student: "Oh, it's nothing YOU said. It's just whenever someone talks to me about my sister it's..."
Me: "Is she that bad?"
Student: "Well, no. It's just that whenever someone talks about my sister it's usually about something weird she did or how she's so annoying." (9/7/22)
Me [seeing Student's notebook wtih a picture of a dog on it]: "Are you a cat person or a dog person?"
Student: "Dogs. But we have a cat too."
Me: "So you have both?"
Student: "Yeah, but I like the dog better. We only see the cat when it's time to eat or sleep." (9/6/22)
Student [telling me about his reaction to something his teacher said to him]: "After she said that, I just gave her the [last name] Family Glare."
Me: "The what?"
Student [stops smiling and glares at me menacingly for a few seconds]: "It's like that."
Me: "I hope your teacher was OK after you did that."
Student laughs.
Student [a few minutes later]: "Do you want to see a picture of my grandpa?"
Me: "Sure."
Student shows me an old black and white photograph of a young man glaring at the camera.
Me: "I can see the resemblance."
Student: "Yup. That's where I get the [last name] Family Glare from." (9/2/22)
Student [walks into my class after school]: "Mister, are you busy right now?"
Me: "No, what can I help you with?"
Student: "Nothing. You're not stressed out about mid-quarter grades?"
Me: "No. I'm done with my grades. Why?"
Student: "Just wondering. All my other teachers are complaining or panicking about getting their grades done because mid-quarter grades are due tomorrow." (9/1/22)
Me [to Student as I was circulating around the class as students work]: "Are you doing OK?"
Student [who was zoning out]: "Huh? Oh, no."
Me: "What can I help you with then?"
Student: "Huh? Oh, nothing. I know how to do this."
Me: "So why did you say 'no' when I asked if you're doing OK?"
Student: "Oh, because my life's not OK." (8/31/22)
Student 1 [to Student 2 as I walked by]: "I have these peanut butter crackers."
Student 2: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Be careful. Mister is allergic."
Student 1: "Mister is allergic to peanuts?"
Student 2: "Yeah. He told us this after that incident with [Student Name]."
Student 1: "Mister, are you really allergic to peanuts?"
Me: "Yes. Why do you not believe me? Why would I lie about it?"
Student 1: "I don't know. Maybe because you wanted us to be careful."
Me: "That would be like me teaching with this voice, but really I talk differently outside of school. Maybe I teach choir or something. What would I gain from that?"
Student 2: "WHAT!? Oh my gosh!"
Student 2 [continuing in a hushed voice like mine]: "That would be so cool. I want to be a teacher just so I can do that." (8/30/22)
Student 1: "Mister, Pizza Hut or Dominos?"
Me: "Dom..."
Student 2: "I don't like Pizza Hut. It's just all bread."
Student 1: "Just bread?"
Student 2: "Yeah, all I could taste was just bread. Bread and cheese."
Student 1: "What did you order?"
Student 2: "We ordered a cheese pizza."
Student 1 and I turn to face each other without saying a word. (8/29/22)
Student 1 [in excited anticipation for today's assembly]: "Mister, when you see Student 2 in the relay race make sure you cheer loud, OK?"
Me: "Me? Loud?"
Student 1: "Ha ha. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. But for real, Mister, Student 2 is running in the assembly. We need her to win."
Me [to Student 2]: "Are you really running?"
Student 2 nods.
Me: "I hope you win."
Student 1: "Me too. I even made her stretch." [The race wouldn't start until almost 2 hours later] (8/26/22)
Students 1, 2, and 3 were working on a set of questions independently.
Student 1 [to Student 2 and Student 3]: "What are you guys talking about? That's not one of the questions."
Student 2 [who was working ahead]: "What are YOU talking about? I'm just asking Student 3 for help with this question."
Student 1: "Yeah, but that's not even one of the problems."
Student 3: "It IS one of the problems, my guy. I'm working on rational equations, you're only working on linear!"
Student 2 [realizing how insulting that was]: "Oooooh. RIP Student 1." (8/25/22)
Me: "Hey Student, I have something to tell you."
Student [who was responsible for Monday's quote about saying "curse you" when someone sneezes]: "What? I hope it's not bad news."
Me: "A student in my other class sneezed and some of the other students said 'Bless you.;"
Student begins smiling with anticipation.
Me: "A few moments later, another student yelled 'curse you!' across the classroom."
Student [laughing]: "Yes! I've created a monster!" (8/24/22)
Student 1 [angrily]: "Bro! You straight up almost murdered me!"
Me: "???"
Student 2: "What? How? What did I do?"
Student 1 [angrily shaking some food in Student 2's direction]: "This has peanuts!"
Student 2: "Yeah, and?"
Student 1 [to me]: "Mister, can I go use the bathroom?"
Me: "Sure. How bad is your allergy?"
Student 1: "It's pretty serious."
Me: "Go now then. Will you be OK?"
Student 1: "Yeah."
Student 2: "Wait!? What is going on?" (8/23/22)
Student 1 sneezes.
Student 2 and Student 3: "Bless you."
Student 1: "Bless you? Thanks. You guys are so nice. When someone else sneezes, I always say 'Curse you."" (8/22/22)
Student 1: "Grapes are pretty good."
Student 2: "I don't know. The last few bunches of grapes I had were not that good."
Student 1: "I don't care about your grape history." (8/18/22)
Student [enters my class during lunch]: "Hey!"
Student [motions to the empty seats that are normally occupied by a group of young men who regularly eat their lunch in my classroom]: "Where's the crew?"
Me: "I'm not sure. Maybe they came while I was out to wash my hands. At least it's quieter now."
Student: "Yeah, but I'll miss hearing all the weird stuff they talk about." (8/17/22)
Student [starts laughing to himself while looking at some pictures of my former students]: "Heh. I remember this."
Me: "??"
Student: "Remember when I thought that was your daughter?" (8/16/22)
(For context, here is the incident from last September)
Me [to Student]: "I heard your sister is working now."
Student: "Who? [Sister's name]? No she doesn't."
Me: "What!? Did she lie to me? She said she's starting her job today."
Student: "Oh, job? I thought you asked if she is working out."
Me: "Ha ha. No. I don't care about that."
Student: "She doesn't either. I don't think I've seen her work out."
Me: "Where is she going to be working?"
Student [shrugs]: "I don't know. Nobody tells me anything." (8/15/22)
