Quote of the Day (Asian Chicken II)

 Student 1 (reading the lunch menu): "Today for lunch we have Asian chicken."

Student 2 (turning to Student 3): "How do they know if the chickens are Asian?"

Student 3 turns to look at me before we both start laughing. (3/3/23)

Quote of the Day (absence)

 Here are a collection of quotes from my students after seeing me return from my first absence of the year:

"Oh good, you're alive. We thought you died of Stage 4 cancer and that's why you didn't come to work."

"Mister, did you tell your sub to dress like you? I swear, she wore a red polo shirt and khaki pants so we thought you were messing with us."

"Mister, you broke your streak!" (2/27/23)

Quote of the Day (pole vaulting)

 Student 1 enters the room.

Student 2 [to Student 1]: "Hey! I didn't know you were doing pole vaulting."

Student 1: "Yeah. It's my first time. They never had it last year."

Student 3 [to Student 1]: "You're doing pole dancing? I thought you were doing the relay."

Student 2 [to Student 3]: "We're talking about pole VAULTING not pole DANCING. Geez, what are you thinking about over there?" (2/21/23)

Quote of the Day (entrance)

 Student 1 enters the classroom, reads the board, burps loudly then sits down.

Student 2: "Wow. That was an awesome entrance." (2/14/23)

Quote of the Day (

 Student 1 [jokingly]: "I'm being racially profiled."

Me: "I don't even know what race you consider yourself to be."

Student 1: "I'm Tongan."

Me: "Are there any other Tongans here?"

Student 1 [scanning the room]: "Yeah. Student 2 over there."

Me [to Student 2]: "Do you feel racially profiled?"

Student 2 [confused]: "Huh? No."

Student 1 [to Student 2]: "You don't feel racially profiled as a Tongan in this class?"

Student 2: "It's not like I wake up and think, 'Ah. I'm Tongan!'" (2/13/23)

Quote of the Day (bro)

Student 1 [to Student 2]: "You really say that word way too much."

 Student 2 [the same student who sometimes calls her parents "bro"]: "I'm trying. I really am. I'm trying really hard not to say it."

Me [trying to bait Student 1 into saying "bro"]: "Say what?"

Student 2: "B... No. I know what you're trying to do."

Student 3: "What happens if you have a sibling who's not a sister, what would you call him?"

Student 2: "Bro...ther. Brother. That would be my brother." (2/8/23)

Quote of the Day (apocalypse)

 Student 1 starts talking about what would happen on campus during the apocalypse.

Me: "Hmm...I wonder who I would let into my classroom if it really happened."

Student 1: "Would you let me in?"

Me: "I'm not sure. I guess it dep..."

Student 2: "Oh, I know for sure Mister would let me in."

Me: "How can you be so sure?"

Student 2: "Because if I were a zombie, I would be the most annoying zombie."

Me: "As opposed to..."

Student 2: "As opposed to what? ... HEY!" (2/6/23)

Quote of the Day (food)

 Student [entering the class room]: "Mister, do you have any food?"

Me [moving further away in anticipation of the next question]: "Yes."

Student [almost 20 minutes later]: "Mister, do you have any snacks...and can I have some?"

Me: "You already asked me that."

Student: "Yes, but not the second half." (2/6/23)

Quote of the Day (vegan)

 Student 1 [looking at his school lunch plate]: "I dunno. I trust the beans more than I trust the chicken."

Student 2: "What? I would totally eat that chicken. The beans...I'm not so sure."

Student 3: "You have to understand that when Student 1 goes hiking that's all he brings."

Student 2: "What's all he brings?"

Student 3: "Beans. That's all he eats on campouts."

Student 2: "So he doesn't eat meat?"

Student 4: "What!? Student 1 is going vegan?"

Student 3: "No, he's going bea-gan." (2/3/23)

Quote of the Day (Fat Dakota)

 Student 1: "Did you know that North and South Dakota were separated for more senate votes?"

Student 2: "What? Why?"

Student 1: "To have a greater influence on the Senate."

Student 2: "No. Why are they separate states? They should just make one fat Dakota." (1/27/23)

Quote of the Day ($20)

 Student [enters my room with an obligation slip and whispers]: "Mister, is there any way I could borrow $20?"

Me: "No. That wouldn't be very ethical. It sets a very bad precedent."

Student [dejectedly]: "OK."

Student [a few minutes after asking other students in the room for money]: "What if I paid you back with interest? Would you lend me $20 then?" (1/30/23)

Quote of the Day (trail mix)

 Student 1 [contentedly munching away]: "I like trail mix."

Student 2: "Can I have some?"

Student 1 [handing over the bag]: "Sure."

Student 2 [dumping the contents into his hand]: "Hey! Where are the m&ms?"

Student 1: "I ate them."

Student 2 [looking at the assortment of nuts and raisins]: "Did you eat anything else?"

Student 1 [shrugs]: "No."

Student 2: "So why did you say that you like trail mix?" (1/25/23)

Quote of the Day (squirrels)

 Student 1 [to Student 2]: "Dude, every time you say 'hot tub' I think you're saying 'hot dog'."

Student 3: "That reminds me of when my dad was talking about the Dead Sea Scrolls, I kept thinking he was talking about Dead Sea Squirrels." (1/23/23)

Quote of the Day (first)

 Student [rounding the corner as I was unlocking the gate to enter the building]: "Yay! Mister, I beat you."

Me [locking the gate into place]: "How could you beat me if I was here unlocking the gate before you got here?"

Student: "You're right. You're right. It's a tie then since you were..."

Me [sprinting up the stairs]: "Bye!"

Student: "NO! Wait!!!" (1/20/23)

Quote of the Day (Wild Mike’s)

 “That was so horrible. It’s like it [school lunch] went from bad to worse. I thought the school pizza was bad, but this Wild Mike’s pizza was disgusting.” - Comment from a high school student when describing the pizza slice wrapped in plastic that he received for school lunch. (1/18/23)

Quote of the Day (pizzazz)

 "I feel like the little 7th graders just don't have any pizzazz." - Comment from a high school senior after seeing a group of 7th graders pass by our class. (1/12/23)

Quote of the Day (favorite)

 Student: "Can I use this marker?"

Me: "Sure."

Student begins writing "Student is my fav" in large letters on the board.

Me: "Why?"

Student: "Why am I your favorite student? I don't know. You tell me." (1/12/23)

Quote of the Day (strat)

 Student: "What if I don't need to take notes?"

Me: "Instead of sitting around waiting for everyone else to finish, all I'm asking is to write down a few things so you don't forget what you just did."

Student: "But what if I already know what I just did."

Me: "You're just writing it down so you don't forget it in the future."

Student: "But I understand it now, so..."

Me: "Try writing a few sentences as if you were trying to show a friend who's never seen this how to do it."

Student: "When I help my friends with their work and they don't know how to do things I just say, 'You just gotta know the strat[egy]!'" 

Me: "I guess I know what to say to you if you ask for my help on this later." (1/11/23)

Quote of the Day (bathrooms)

 Student: "Mister, I have an important question."

Me: "Sure, what's up?"

Student: "Why don't they have any bathrooms on the 3rd floor?"

Me: "I'm not sure. Maybe they do, but they're not open."

Student: "Why aren't they open? Doesn't it make sense to have a bathroom on the 3rd floor so we don't have to go all the way downstairs then come all the way back upstairs?"

Me: "That does make sense."

Student: "This school makes no sense." (1/9/23)

Quote of the Day (North Korea)

 Student [joking that his parents are Korean]: "The northern kind."

Me: "How did they escape?"

Student: "They didn't. They're spies."

Me: "That would make them really terrible spies."

Student: "Every morning they wake us up and make us salute the Uns."

Me: "??? The who?"

Student: "The Uns."

Me: "Who are the Uns?"

Student: "You know, like Kim Jong-UN."

Me: "Do you really think his last name is Un?"

Student: "It's not Un?" (1/6/23)