Quote of the Day (teacher)

 Student 1 [to Student 2 as I walked by]: "I have these peanut butter crackers."

Student 2: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Be careful. Mister is allergic."

Student 1: "Mister is allergic to peanuts?"

Student 2: "Yeah. He told us this after that incident with [Student Name]."

Student 1: "Mister, are you really allergic to peanuts?"

Me: "Yes. Why do you not believe me? Why would I lie about it?"

Student 1: "I don't know. Maybe because you wanted us to be careful."

Me: "That would be like me teaching with this voice, but really I talk differently outside of school. Maybe I teach choir or something. What would I gain from that?"

Student 2: "WHAT!? Oh my gosh!"

Student 2 [continuing in a hushed voice like mine]: "That would be so cool. I want to be a teacher just so I can do that." (8/30/22)

Quote of the Day (pizza)

 Student 1: "Mister, Pizza Hut or Dominos?"

Me: "Dom..."

Student 2: "I don't like Pizza Hut. It's just all bread."

Student 1: "Just bread?"

Student 2: "Yeah, all I could taste was just bread. Bread and cheese."

Student 1: "What did you order?"

Student 2: "We ordered a cheese pizza."

Student 1 and I turn to face each other without saying a word. (8/29/22)

Quote of the Day (relay race)

 Student 1 [in excited anticipation for today's assembly]: "Mister, when you see Student 2 in the relay race make sure you cheer loud, OK?"

Me: "Me? Loud?"

Student 1: "Ha ha. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. But for real, Mister, Student 2 is running in the assembly. We need her to win."

Me [to Student 2]: "Are you really running?"

Student 2 nods.

Me: "I hope you win."

Student 1: "Me too. I even made her stretch." [The race wouldn't start until almost 2 hours later] (8/26/22)

Quote of the Day (math insult)

 Students 1, 2, and 3 were working on a set of questions independently.

Student 1 [to Student 2 and Student 3]: "What are you guys talking about? That's not one of the questions."

Student 2 [who was working ahead]: "What are YOU talking about? I'm just asking Student 3 for help with this question."

Student 1: "Yeah, but that's not even one of the problems."

Student 3: "It IS one of the problems, my guy. I'm working on rational equations, you're only working on linear!"

Student 2 [realizing how insulting that was]: "Oooooh. RIP Student 1." (8/25/22)

Quote of the Day (creation)

 Me: "Hey Student, I have something to tell you."

Student [who was responsible for Monday's quote about saying "curse you" when someone sneezes]: "What? I hope it's not bad news."

Me: "A student in my other class sneezed and some of the other students said 'Bless you.;"

Student begins smiling with anticipation.

Me: "A few moments later, another student yelled 'curse you!' across the classroom."

Student [laughing]: "Yes! I've created a monster!" (8/24/22)

Quote of the Day (murder by peanut)

 Student 1 [angrily]: "Bro! You straight up almost murdered me!"

Me: "???"

Student 2: "What? How? What did I do?"

Student 1 [angrily shaking some food in Student 2's direction]: "This has peanuts!"

Student 2: "Yeah, and?"

Student 1 [to me]: "Mister, can I go use the bathroom?"

Me: "Sure. How bad is your allergy?"

Student 1: "It's pretty serious."

Me: "Go now then. Will you be OK?"

Student 1: "Yeah."

Student 2: "Wait!? What is going on?" (8/23/22)

Quote of the Day (sneeze)

 Student 1 sneezes.

Student 2 and Student 3: "Bless you."

Student 1: "Bless you? Thanks. You guys are so nice. When someone else sneezes, I always say 'Curse you."" (8/22/22)

Quote of the Day (grapes)

Student 1: "Grapes are pretty good."

Student 2: "I don't know. The last few bunches of grapes I had were not that good."

Student 1: "I don't care about your grape history." (8/18/22) 

Quote of the Day (crew)

 Student [enters my class during lunch]: "Hey!" 

Student [motions to the empty seats that are normally occupied by a group of young men who regularly eat their lunch in my classroom]: "Where's the crew?"

Me: "I'm not sure. Maybe they came while I was out to wash my hands. At least it's quieter now."

Student: "Yeah, but I'll miss hearing all the weird stuff they talk about." (8/17/22)

Quote of the Day (daughter)

 Student [starts laughing to himself while looking at some pictures of my former students]: "Heh. I remember this."

Me: "??"

Student: "Remember when I thought that was your daughter?" (8/16/22)

(For context, here is the incident from last September)

Quote of the Day (work)

 Me [to Student]: "I heard your sister is working now."

Student: "Who? [Sister's name]? No she doesn't."

Me: "What!? Did she lie to me? She said she's starting her job today."

Student: "Oh, job? I thought you asked if she is working out."

Me: "Ha ha. No. I don't care about that."

Student: "She doesn't either. I don't think I've seen her work out."

Me: "Where is she going to be working?"

Student [shrugs]: "I don't know. Nobody tells me anything." (8/15/22) 

Quote of the Day (tomato sauce)

 Student 1: "Mister, can I step outside for a moment?"

Me [looking puzzled]: "Why? What's going on?"

Student 1 [rubbing his stomach in discomfort]: "I ate too much tomato sauce."

Me [looking more puzzled]: "Um..."

Student 2 [starts waving his hand in front of his face]: "Phew! I wish I was wearing a mask right now."

Me [connecting the dots]: "Sure. Go step outside if you need to." (8/12/22) 

Quote of the Day (pants)

 Student 1 [commenting on what Student 2 wears]: "I think I've only ever seen him in a t-shirt and shorts."

Student 2: "Yeah. I don't even own any long pants. Why would anyone need to own long pants in Hawaii?" (8/10/22)

Quote of the Day (hungry)

 Student [during class]: "I'm so hungry!"

Me: "Then stop looking at pictures of food on your phone."

Student [shows me a picture of a steak on her phone]: "But it looks so good! See!? Doesn't that look good?"

Me: "Stop! Now you're making me hungry."

Student: "See?! That makes you hungry, right? Now I'm really hungry."

Me: "If you're going to keep doing this to yourself, then at least stop complaining about how hungry you are." (8/10/22)

Quote of the Day (math)

Background: Student swore he was done with math after my class last year. This morning I got an email from him requesting to add into my class (the next one in the sequence).

Me: "I thought you said you were done. Why the sudden interest in math?"

Student [in sincerity]: "Well, because you made it my favorite subject." (8/9/22)

Quote of the Day (stairs)

 Student 1 [entering the class out of breath]: "Whew. I hate those stairs."

Student 2 enters the class with a smile.

Student 1: "STUDENT 2! How can you be smiling after climbing those stairs? Why are you not out of breath when we're coming from the same class?" (8/8/22)

Quote of the Day (7-11)

Me: "Ever since I moved away, I forgot all my Japanese."

Student [who just moved from Japan]: "I know. That's what I'm afraid of. Before if I wanted to practice I could just go outside to the nearest 7-11."

Me: "Ah. I miss コンビニ [Japanese convenience stores]."

Student: "ME TOO! That's why I'm never going to a 7-11 here." (8/5/22)

Quote of the Day (application)

 Student: "Mister, can I stay in here and work on stuff?"

Me: "Sure...wait, you already have work to do on the first day of school?"

Student: "Yeah...no. I mean, I'm working on my common app."

Me: "You're applying to colleges already?"

Student: "Yeah. I, you know, I just want to stay on top of things." (8/4/22)

Quote of the Day (schedule)

 Student [entering my class during recess]: “Mister, do you think I can reschedule my test?”

Me: “The one you scheduled for today after school?”

Student: “Yeah.”

Me: “Sure, you can just take it tomorrow when everyone else was scheduled to take it.”

Student: “That’s the thing. I won’t be at school tomorrow.”

Me: “And you cannot take it today after school?”

Student: “Yeah. I’m so sorry. Can I take it after school on Thursday?”

Me: “You mean you want to take it not only on the very last day of school but the very last couple of hours before my grades close?”

Student: “Yeah.”

Me [shrugging]: “OK, but there are no corrections or credit recovery once you’re done because it’s so late.”

Student [before hastily retreating]: “I understand. Thank you. See you on Thursday.” (5/23/22)

Quote of the Day (random)

Here are a collection of random quotes from a fairly chaotic (graduation) day:

"How do you spell 'couch'?"

"There's still one student with missing assignments!? That's not me, is it?"

"Mister's class is the only one I would come back to campus to visit."

(5/19/22)